A NotSoSuite Life
by ZStorm93
Summary: When the unexpected happens, the boys are left with nothing. Will Zack and Cody be able to keep their sanity as they try to move past the grief and live a normal life? Rated T for some strong language. I appreciate READ AND REVIEWS very much!
1. The Call

The phone rings. Cody stands up from his seat on the couch where he and Zack were watching "Chelsea Lately" on E! to answer the call.

"Hello?" Cody said firmly as he picked up the reciever.

"Good evening," the voice said ominously. "This is Boston General Hospital's emergency ward. I'm looking for a Cody Martin."

"This is he.", Cody responded, curious as to why they would be calling at this hour. After all, it was 11:15 PM.

"OK, I have a patient here..." she paused. "...Martin comma Carrie. This is the contact number she has on record. Could you please tell me your relationship to the patient?"

Cody was full of anxiety and confusion. "I am her son."

"OK, I am sorry to have to tell you that we have your mother in our ward. She sustained a serious head injury, and is currently in a serious coma. We aren't sure if she is going to make it."

Cody's stomach instantly flipped upside down. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. His dear mother had just left a few hours ago to start her show down in the ballroom, how could this have happened. Cody felt like he was either going to vomit or lose his bowels to diarrhea, one of the two. Cody had always had issues with anxiety and depression, and lately it had been worse. How could he handle this?

"Umm...uh..." he stuttered, unable to find the words to speak clear sentences.

"Mr. Martin, I need you to get to the hospital immediately. She may not make it the night. Please bring any and all advance directive papers so we can know her final wishes."

Cody couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was all such a whirlwind. He felt as if he would faint at any given moment.

"Uh...alright, um, we'll get right down there. It'll be about 30 minutes."

"Thank you, Mr. Martin." she said, and the reciever clicked, indicating that the nurse had ended the call.

Cody stood in silence. Zack called to him. "Who was on the phone? Where are we going?"

Cody couldn't contain himself any longer. He fell to the floor, the reciever gently sliding from his hand. He screamed and sobbed in terror and extreme sadness. At his banshee-like call, Zack immediately rushed to his side.

"Codes, what is the matter?" he asked the younger of the two Martin twins.

Cody couldn't bring himself together to answer the simple question.

"CODY, CALM THE FUCK DOWN! WHAT IS THE MATTER?" he asked with a gentle, yet sobering slap to Cody's soft white face.

"Mom is in BGH'S ER. She's in a coma." he sobbed with excruciating pain, trying to regain his composure to add the horrifying news that she probably wouldn't make it. Zack needed more detail. He comforted his exact twin enough for him to whisper the words "She's probably gonna die" in between sobs.

Zack stared at his brother. He couldn't believe it. He wanted to do nothing more but cry, but he knew that he must stay strong. Not only for his mother and brother, but for himself.

"Cody, we need to stay calm," Zack replied. "I'll call Moseby and have him get us a taxi and we will head to the hospital."

Cody shook his head in between uncontrollable sobs. He didn't know how his brother was able to stay calm through all of this, but he thanked God that he was, because Cody knew he couldn't do this alone.

Zack ran off to the phone and called Moseby. Moseby set to have the night maintenance man drive the boys to the hospital in the hotel van in the respect of time. As Zack hung up with Moseby, and let out a very quiet sigh to attempt to prevent himself from crying. He ran back to his younger brother and told him to get ready with the papers, that they would be leaving immediately. They walked out the door, checked the locks, and headed to the elevator. Cody was still bawling his eyes out, but Zack just put his arm around him and guided him until they entered the metal apparatus that would take them down to the "L" floor to meet their van. The elevator seemed to descend so very slowly. Zack counted every floor in his head as they traveled further and further down to the bottom of the Boston Tipton Hotel.

As they exited the elevator, Marion Moseby greeted them with a face of sorrow. He had meant to tell the boys about the accident, but in all the excitement of the incident, he forgot. He apologized over and over, but all Zack and Cody wanted was to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. They quickly accepted his apology, and headed out to the van.

The van ride was a three mile trip of complete silence, excluding Cody's occasional agonizing sob, which were beginning to settle themselves. The two boys held hands discreetly, something they hadn't done since they were ten years younger, at age 7.

Thoughts raced through Cody's mind. What would he do if his mother died? He knew he would be unable to handle it. His mother was his only support system. She was the only one who could comfort him after a nightmare. She was the only one who would listen as he complained endlessly about the bullies at school. She was the only one who could keep this depression he had been feeling from eating him alive.

Zack's mind was running also. He sat and wondered what life would be like if his mom passed away., Where would the boys stay? They were 17, and almost old enough to live on their own, but almost, unfortunately, only counts in horseshoes. They couldn't live with their father. He was on tour with his band and, although he loved his sons deeply, didn't really see them that much, nor did he really have anywhere for them to stay. The never ending questions were buzzing through Zack's head like angry hornets looking to escape their nest. He wasn't sure how long he could stay strong.

3 miles and 10 minutes later, Zack and Cody arrived at Boston General Hospital. They both entered the main doors of the hospital, marked "EMERGENCY" in big bright letters. As they made their way to the registration desk, the boys wondered what was hiding behind the magnetically locked double doors leading to the Emergency Ward.


	2. The Hospital

After a wait that seemed like an eternity, Zack finally spoke up.

"Hey, can we get some service over here?" he yelled at a burly looking nurse.

The nurse glanced at him, and let out a sigh of annoyance.

"May I help you?" she asked Zack with an arrogance he hadn't seen before.

"Yes, we are the sons of Carey Martin. We were called to come down to see her in the ER, that she may not make it the night." After hearing this, Cody began to well up and the waterworks in his head resumed.

"Go through the double doors and head to Bay 18. I'll send a nurse straight over." she said, her demeanor improving a little since the last time she opened her gaping piehole.

The boys heard a buzz and the door clicked. They walked up to it and it opened on its own. They proceed down the hallway marked "BAYS 10-18". As they continued walking, they saw a giant 18 on the floor and a curtain was pulled around the rectangular area of the ward. The boys stopped. They just could not mentally prepare themselves for the sight they were about to see. Both stood in silence, not a word spoken between them. Zack thought about how Cody would take it. What if she was covered in blood? Cody couldn't handle seeing the most precious woman in their life like that. It would terrify him, who knows what would happen. But what about him? Would he be able to handle it?

Cody's thoughts were also racing. He didn't think he was going to be able to handle it. He could feel the anxiety slowly grip him. It was crushing the fibers of his being. He felt weak and silly for sobbing, even though his mother had told him many times that it was okay for boys to cry. He continued crying, however, shaking in place as if he were ready to go into a grand mal seizure. He felt himself slipping into further depression. Would this finally be it? The one thing that sends him over the edge?

The boys snapped out of their independent thought processes and prepared to pull back the curtain.

"Cody, it will be okay. We're going to get through this no matter what, do you understand me?" Zack coached his twin. Neither of the boys were too sure about this. Zack reached for the curtain and pulled it back. The boys stared at the unconcious woman who they called mom. At this, Zack could no longer hold back and began sobbing at the terrible sight himself. He held his brother tightly, hoping to gain some comfort from him. This went on as the boys waited impatiently for a nurse.

"Where the hell could that nurse be? Nurse King Kong out front said she would send a nurse straight back. This is complete bullshit." Zack said in between agonizing sobs. They waited, and waited, and waited some more. Finally a nurse, identified by her ID as "Paulette" walked in.

"Boys, I am so sorry for your mother's accident," she said with the voice of an angel. "however, I do need to see her advance directives to know if we should attempt resuscitation if it comes to it." Zack handed over the papers that contained his mother's final wishes. He never thought he would have to use them this soon. The nurse reviewed the papers carefully. "OK, it says here that she would like to be resuscitated, as long as it does not require life support systems." The boys were relieved, if only for a second. "We'll keep monitoring her condition. We are unsure at this point what will happen." And with that, Paulette left the room.

The boys sat and cried together. They couldn't imagine life without their mother. The boys curled up and fell asleep next to each other. As they slept, they both dreamt about the great times they had as a family with their mother. There was the trip to the beach they had taken last summer with Maddie, London, and their mother. They had so much fun together, especially when Maddie threw London into the ocean! And there were presents on Christmas morning. Mom would stay up for hours on Christmas early morning to wrap all the presents and be sure everything was just right. They recalled in their dream the time their mother got them their netbooks, and they were so happy, ecstatic even! Mom had just told them it was because they had been very good that year, and that she loved them. They had gotten her a pair of cheap earrings at Wal-Mart. Needless to say, the gifts exchanged were never very equal. As they remember good times, they were both jolted from their slumber. The vital sign monitor was beeping erratically, and the boys saw this:

HR: 0

BP: 0/0

SpO2: 84%

"CODE BLUE: NO HR, NO BP"

The boys were clueless about Code Blue but knew that a heart rate of 0 was not good. They heard an automated voice come over the PA: "CODE BLUE, CODE BLUE, ER BAY 18". Almost instantaneously, a CPR team entered the room. The charge nurse forced the boys out into the hallway. They waited in absolute terror. They heard the charge nurse yelling CPR counts and telling the man operating the defibrillator to charge it. After it was charged, the nurse yelled "CLEAR!" and then shocked the boys' mother with the paddles. No response. They tried again. No response. Once more they tried, and Zack and Cody both prayed like they had never before. "CLEAR!" and shock, but no response. "Call time of death." the charge nurse said. "0642." another nurse responded.

The boys stood in absolute horror. They couldn't even react. The charge nurse came out and broke the horrible news to them. Cody broke off, "NO! SHE CAN'T BE DEAD, SHE JUST CAN'T!" Unfortunately, however, she really was gone. Zack grabbed his brother in an embrace, and they stood in the hallway, crying in grief for their beloved mother, who now lay lifeless on the gurney in Bay 18.


	3. The Social Worker, Cathy

A/N: Hey, everybody! I'm hoping the story has you intrigued thus far. I would really appreciate it if you would review this chapter/the whole story thus far. I want to know what you like, what you don't like, et cetera. I really appreciate it! -Zack Storm  
-

The boys remained in the corridor for almost fifteen minutes. They cried next to each other, trying to regain their heads. As people walked passed, they looked on, shaking their heads in condolence. The boys barely noticed. They couldn't come out of their own little bubble of sadness. It felt as if they had been hit by a freight train going 75 miles an hour. It was an awful sight.

Cody's mind was racing. He wasn't going to make it, he could feel it. Worst of all, the voices were coming back now. Back when Cody was thirteen, he had been through a spell of depression which involved hallucinating voices. The voices were terrible, terrible people. They would tell him about the disgusting and gory ways he should hurt himself. He had always told someone, usually his mother, what the voices were telling him, and they would get him the help he needed. But this time was different: he wanted to listen. He couldn't live without his mother. Senior year was coming up, and he wouldn't be able to handle all the stress on his own. He just wanted it all to end.

Zack's mind was also running a million miles an hour. He was completely lost. He wanted to acknowledge his own feelings and cry forever, but he knew he needed to stay strong for Cody. He wondered why he was the one who always had to stay strong. He just wanted, for once in his life, to be the vulnerable one. He just lost his mother for God's sake! However, he put his sibling issues aside and decided to continue comforting Cody. He would just have to wait until later to show his true feelings.

Both of the boys were pulled out of their thought by the sweet voice of a woman.

"Zack, Cody, how are you guys doing?" she asked in the most sincere, sweetest voice possible.

Zack knew Cody would be unable to answer the question in his current state, so he opened his mouth to reply to her.

"How does it look like we're doing?" Zack responded, trying to seem as calm as possible.

"Not great, I suppose." the woman responded. "My name is Cathy. I am the adolescent social worker here at Boston General. Would you boys mind coming in to my office so we can talk?"

Zack and Cody looked at each other and silently nodded in approval to the woman's offer. They followed her onto an elevator that led them to the eighth floor. Her office was located five doors down to the left. It was beautiful. The back wall was made entirely of glass to provide a gorgeous view of the Boston skyline. The walls were painted a beautiful shade of pale blue and were decorated with a myriad of Thomas Kinkade originals. The two boys sat down in some very cushy chairs at the prompt of the social worker.

"Boys, I know that this news is very hard to cope with. Your mother's death was untimely and unfair. But, unfortunately life isn't always fair, and we must move past this together. Do either of you have any feelings you would like to talk about?" Cathy gave her statement with the voice of the sweetest angel. Both boys kept silent, gently sobbing occasionally, but slowly recovering their composure.

Cathy sensed the boys had some feelings, but weren't ready to discuss them. "OK, we can wait until you are ready. We need to get you boys into a home, now that your mother is gone." The words stung Cody like the stingers of a thousand bees. "Is your father," she consulted her paperwork, "Kurt, still living?"

Zack answered the question quickly. "Yes, he is on tour. He is in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania at the moment, getting ready to play a show at The Electric Factory." He waited for a response from the social worker.

"Okay, I have a cell number on record here, 696-4727, is that still accurate?"

Zack chuckled a little through tears. His father had his phone number changed oodles of times, sometimes because he didn't pay the bill and they gave his number away, other times because he gave his number to groupies who would call him obsessively about their oncoming "marriage". "No," Zack responded. "His new number is 684-5803."

"Okay," Cathy wrote the number down on the top of her files. "I'm going to try to get in touch with your father. You boys wait here, I'll be back soon."

And with that, Cathy left the room in search of the phone (even though there was one right on her desk...) Cody finally spoke up. "Zack?" he asked in a meek tone.

"Yes, Codes?" Zack answered him in a calm, firm tonality.

"I don't think I can get through this one. Without Mom, I can't do it." he began weeping quietly.

Zack knew this was coming. "Codes, you and I will be fine. This is a huge, very sad setback in the story of our lives, but I know we can do it!"

Cody became infuriated for a reason he wasn't quite sure of. "HOW DO YOU KNOW? DAMN IT, ZACHARY, YOU CAN'T BE SO SURE ALL THE FUCKING TIME!" Cody immediately regained his head. "I'm sorry, Zack. I'm not sure what is happening to me." He began crying. He whispered ever so softly "I think I'm losing my mind." He sobbed even louder.

Zack could not believe how his brother had just acted. He had never seen him take such a stance. He wasn't sure whether to be pissed off or feel bad for him. "I didn't mean to upset you, Cody." he said in an unusually submissive way. They waited the remainder of the time in silence. What was actually 10 minutes felt like an eternity. However, Cathy was back and she had news for the boys.

"Your father got a fill-in for the show in Pittsburgh and he is on his way up here. It's about a 480 mile trip, so it may be a while. You guys can sleep in our waiting room if you would like. It's really early, people don't usually start showing up for appointments until about 3 PM, so you won't be disturbed. I'll have Supportive Services bring up a few blankets and pillows. Would you boys like me to have the chaplain come up to talk to you about your mother?"

The boys both shook their heads "No." "Alrighty then," Cathy replied. "Follow me."

She lead the boys into a room full of cozy looking couches and chairs. The two boys picked two adjacent couches and readied their beds. Cody stared up at the ceiling, wondering why he had exploded on his brother. It wasn't his fault this was happening, and he was only trying to help. He wracked his brain, searching for an answer, but he was unable to do so. Zack also stared. He contemplated what life would be like on the road with his father. His father had never really had to take care of the boys full time, so Zack worried a little. He wondered what would happen to Mom's body, would there be a funeral or a memorial or anything? He needed to find the answers to these questions.

After a bout of silence, the boys finally spoke to one another. "I'm really sorry, Zack." Cody said with sincerity.

"It's OK, Cody. I know this is only the start of a terrible winding road for both of us. Just know that no matter what happens, I will always love you." Cody was taken aback. Zack was never "lovey" about their brotherhood. Sometimes, Cody wasn't even sure if Zack liked him. This made the voices even harder to deal with. How could he kill himself and leave his brother without a mother and a brother. He tried shutting the voices off, their siren calls hard to resist listening to.

"Thanks, Zack. I love you too. Always. I promise." With that, the boys drifted into an uneasy sleep, wondering how things were going to play out.


	4. The Father Returns

A/N: So it's 3 AM almost but I just had to finish this chapter. Hope to get some reviews on this chapter. Please read and review. I really love to hear criticism of my work. Thank you all for reading my fanfic. As a newbie to this sort of thing, I'm really glad that there are nice people out there who enjoy my work, but still creatively criticize it. It's great! Thanks all! -Zack Storm

Cody was all of a sudden unsure of where he was. He felt as if he was there, but not at the same time. It was as if he was watching the scene from outside of his body. He saw himself, lying on the ground. He saw something in his hand. What the hell was it? A knife. What was he doing? No, no he couldn't be. Why was he moving the blade toward his wrist. He screamed in his head "NO! DON'T DO IT!" He watched on. The Cody he was watching couldn't hear him. All at once, the Cody he observed, in one swift motion, took the knife and...

"AAAAHHHHH!" Cody sat straight up on the couch. He looked around. That's right. He was in the waiting room of BGH's social services wing. He was dripping with a cold sweat, and his heart was beating right out of his chest. Surprisingly, his outburst hadn't woken his older brother. He glanced up at the clock. 2:30. Cathy said that folks started with appointments at 3 pm, so he figured he'd best wake up his brother and attempt to gain information about his father's whereabouts.

"Wake up, Zack!" he said to his sleeping sibling. Zack barely stirred. "Get up, Zachary!" he shouted and nearly rolled him out of the bed.

"I'm up, I'm up!" Zack finally responded.

Cody was surprised that Zack had been able to sleep so soundly. Cody had many a nightmare during their sleep in the waiting room. Sometimes, he would see the ghost of his mother, other times he would see what the voices wanted to happen in an extremely gory visual. All he knew was that he wouldn't survive many more of these nightmares.

"Let's go find Cathy and see if she knows anything about Dad." Zack suggested to Cody.

"Alright, let's go." Cody replied.

The boys found themselves wandering the corridor searching for Cathy's office. They searched up and down for about 10 minutes before they finally found it, back near the elevator. They knocked on the door quietly as to not disturb her.

"Can I help you?" Cathy called from inside.

"It's us, Zack and Cody" Zack yelled back to her.

"Oh, great, just the boys I wanted to see." She waved for the boys to come in.

The boys opened the door fully to see that their father, Kurt, was already there, in tears no less.

"Hi, boys, how you guys holding up?" He sniffled as he spoke to his sons.

"Not great, but not badly." Zack said in response to his father.

"Good, good. I love you guys. We are going to stay in town a couple days, get the funeral out of the way and lay your mother to rest, then we'll head back to Pennsylvania to finish off the tour." Kurt hoped that his blunt approach to the plan wouldn't be to, well, blunt for the twins he created with his now deceased ex-wife, Carey.

"OK. We'll cope with that." Zack replied.

"Well, great!" Cathy said in her usual happy supportive tone. "I am so very sorry for your loss, boys. PLEASE if you need anything, even if it is just someone to talk to, please call me. I am a licensed counseling social worker, so I can do talk therapy. Here is my card."

The boys looked down at the card:

CATHY M. ZUNIGA

LCSW

BOSTON GENERAL HOSPITAL

276-1760

Zack put the card in his wallet. Cathy also handed an extra card to both Cody and Kurt, just in case either of them needed it. Cathy could sense that something wasn't quite kosher with Cody, so she wanted to be extra sure he would have the resources necessary.

The boys went with their father out to the bus, leaving the hospital that their mother had died at just hours earlier. As they exited the building, Cody began gently weeping, but Zack kept him calm. Kurt just walked a half step ahead, wondering how on earth he would be able to support his sons full-time again.

"Boys, things are gonna be hard emotionally between all of us for a while. Your mother was a great woman and she loved us all very much," Kurt began to choke up. "and she would want us to be happy. This wasn't either of your faults, and I want you guys to know I love you very much. If you need to talk to that counselor, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Please tell me and I'll get you the help you need."

Cody sat in the bus and wondered if he was even able to be helped. He was hearing voices again, he was starting to have night terrors and he was just generally sad. His mother just died, and didn't even say goodbye or anything. He missed her terribly, and it hadn't even been 12 hours yet. He wondered how he would handle the funeral. He never did well at funerals as it was, let alone his own mother's. He just wanted it to be over with. He wished this had never happened. He wished that he no longer had to deal with it. He just wanted out.

Zack was relatively calm as of this point. While Cody worked through his issues on the couch, he helped his father with the arrangements for his mother's funeral. It wasn't the best thing to do, but the busy work kept him from being depressed. He needed to keep his mind off of it. It would all work itself out. He was just along for the ride.

Three days later, the Martin twins and their father stood at the front of the funeral home, Cody bawling, Zack standing strong, but hurting inside, and Kurt, who was only teary-eyed. They took their seats as they listened to the beautiful eulogy prepared by Carey's best friend, Kathryn, who barely made it through the speech without screaming and sobbing from grief. As the organist played Amazing Grace, the pallbearers carried the coffin to the hearse, and they proceeded to the burial site.

At the burial site, they slowly lowered Carey into the ground. Zack and Cody both lost their emotions at the sight. They cried and hugged each other as they watched. They needed comfort that only their brotherly love could provide. As they sat there and watched their mother get covered in the earth that was in the hole previously, they thought about the future, and how different everything would be from now on. Cody wondered if the voices would ever go away. They were getting worse and so was Cody's depression. Zack worried for their well-beings. There father hadn't really been there before, so how did they know he would be now? Too many bets were being placed. There were no guarantees this would work out. But he prayed it would. Oh, how he prayed:

"Dear Lord, please keep my brother, father, and I safe. And please say hello to the new angel you received today, Carey. Tell her her baby boys love her."

Zack began to cry yet again, and for once, he didn't care who saw.


	5. The Trip to Pittsburgh

A/N: I really appreciate the reviews I have been receiving. However, I know that many more people are reading than are reviewing. I beg of you, PLEASE REVIEW THE STORY AS OF THIS POINT. I want to know what you think. This is probably going to run for quite some time, so I want to be sure I am moving in the right direction. As always, thanks for reading :D.

The day after the funeral, the boys packed the remainder of their things that were still in their old hotel room at the Tipton. They said goodbye to Moseby, who was surprisingly sad that they were leaving, London, Maddie, and all of their friends. The boys felt like not only was their heart ripped out due to their mother's death, but now those hearts were being pulverized in a blender because they had to leave their best friends to travel with their father. The boys would have usually been mad, but they knew what the alternative could have been. They could have been separated and sent to foster families in God only knows where. So, they said goodbye and packed everything into the cargo hold of the tour bus.

"Alright, boys!" their father said as he started the bus. "We'll be in Pittsburgh in about 6 hours. Why don't you boys try to rest a bit. There is only one bed, but you two have slept in the same bed before." The boys thought to themselves: "Yeah, 10 years ago." But, the sound of a good rest intrigued the boys so they headed back to the "bedroom" of the bus.

"Turn on the A/C, Codes. It's roasting in this place." Zack said with an obvious annoyance with the heat in his voice. Cody complied, and turned the A/C to 60 degrees at high fan speed. They'd rather freeze than bake, he supposed. He climbed into the queen size bed next to his brother and laid down beside him.

Cody broke the silence and questioned his twin. "Zack, do you really think this is gonna work out. Because I'm not sure. In fact, I have this feeling that something awful is going to happen." 

Zack pondered the question for a moment. He himself had been wondering the same, but he didn't want to worry his sibling. "Cody, everything is going to be just fine. I know I can't guarantee that, but I really think this will work out." He felt bad for lying to his brother, but he knew he couldn't tell Cody that he was concerned as well. It would only worsen his depression and anxiety, and he couldn't let that happen.

"OK, I guess we should at least be optimistic." Cody replied. "I know we're 17, but could I just get a hug? I really need it right now. I miss Mom so much. I just can't think more than a minute ahead knowing that she's gone." He began to cry again.

"Sure, Codes. Please don't cry." He gave his brother a firm hug and held him while he cried. He wished Cody wouldn't cry so much. He wasn't angry that he had to "deal" with Cody, he just wanted Cody to be happy again, or at the very least not sad. He shushed Cody and rocked him back and forth in the embrace.

After a few minutes, Cody broke the embrace and regained his ability to speak. "Thanks, Zack. Now let's try to go to sleep, I'm so tired from crying." Zack nodded in agreement. They laid their heads on the pillows and shut their eyes. Both boys instantly fell asleep.

Cody once again began to have an out-of-body dream. He was walking along a bridge on the back road to the old state park they used to go to. Cody could see that he was crying in the life-like dream. He wanted to ask himself what was wrong, but he couldn't remember how to speak. Suddenly, dream Cody stopped. He turned to the right, looking at the river flowing rapidly below. He just stared down. But what was he doing? He grabbed a hold of the bridge wall and pulled himself up to the ledge. Again, he looked down. As the boy cried, he took one last look and...

"AAAAAHHHHH!" Cody woke up, once again in a cold sweat. This time, however, he woke his brother up.

"Cody! What's the matter?" He saw his brother rocking back and forth, bawling on the side of the bed.

Cody couldn't gather up the strength to reply. He just kept crying. What had he just seen? Did he just see himself trying to attempt suicide. It couldn't have been. But it felt so real. He remembered that the same thing had happened whenever he slept at the hospital in Cathy's waiting room. He wasn't even sure what reality was anymore. He tried hard at times to detach from it. Was that a bad thing? He wondered why this was happening. All of a sudden, he felt a hand touch his shoulder blade. He looked and saw that it was his brother. But who was standing beside him? Was that...Mom? It was. She looked so beautiful. Her hair was down and she was in a flowing white gown. Cody put his hand out to touch her, but all of a sudden, she was gone.

"NOT AGAIN!" Cody screamed to no one in particular. "I can't lose her again!"

"What are you talking about Cody?" Zack began to worry about his brother's sanity.

"MOM! She was just beside you, but then she was gone. I wanted her back so badly, I almost touched her, Zack. She was so beautiful." Cody continued to ramble about what had just happened to him.

Zack was at a loss for words. Could Cody really be hallucinating? He knew that Cody was dealing with some pretty bad depression, but could it really have been this bad? He knew that hallucinations were not a good sign, but he couldn't bring himself to ask his brother more details.

"Cody, you had a nightmare. It's going to be alright. Come here." He pulled his brother in closer, hugging him with all his might.

Cody broke the embrace. "DON'T ACT LIKE I'M CRAZY! I SAW HER. SHE WAS HERE." He was infuriated.

Zack was once again hurt by Cody's words. There was no reason for him to yell.

"I'm sorry, Zack, okay!" Cody added not more than 10 seconds after he screamed at Zack.

"It's fine. Are you sure you are okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. You're right. It must have been a dream."

Cody didn't believe the words he just told his brother. He knew for a fact that he was indeed NOT fine and that his depression was getting worse. He wondered why his mood kept swinging so drastically. He shouldn't have been upset with Zack. He didn't do anything. Cody just bounced everything around in his head until finally his father said that they had arrived in Pittsburgh. Cody and Zack both knew that this was the start of a potentially downward spiral in their lives. They both prayed that their premonitions about their living arrangement were completely false. The boys deboarded the bus, and made their way to the venue his father would be playing at that night.


	6. The Unexpected Happens Yet Again

A/N: I'm glad that this story is getting popular. I hope you guys are enjoying reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it. I'm still requesting some in depth reviews if you could find it in your heart. You can even PM me if you don't want to post it in the reviews section. I really do appreciate my readers, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

-Zack Storm

The boys walked into the Electric Factory through the rear entrance. They checked in with the talent coordinator, Tim Walk. Mr. Walk was a well-dressed man, but that didn't hide his disorganized personality. They registered, got their backstage passes, and went back to meet up with the band.

"Hey, I'm not feeling so hot. I'm gonna head back to the room." Cody announced to his father and brother.

"Are you okay, Codester?" Kurt replied with concern.

"Obviously not, dad, but I think a nap will help my head and stomach settle."

"Alright, here are the keys." Kurt gave the keys to his son, blatantly hurt by his sons sarcastic commentary.

"You want me to come with you, Codes?" Zack asked his brother.

"No, I'll be fine. You guys go to rehearsal. I'll be back in a few hours." Cody responded with a little bit nicer tonality than before.

Cody made his way back out of the venue and proceeded to the private parking area where the bus was parked. As he walked, he began pondering yet again what life without his mother would be like? A tour bus wasn't a home, but Lord knew that Kurt wasn't moving into an apartment anytime soon. He couldn't give up his dreams. But then, Cody began to wonder how much different everyone's lives would be without him. His brother wouldn't have to deal with his whining on a regular basis. And Zack loved the idea of living on a tour bus, so his father wouldn't have to give up his dream. Everything seemed so much better without him in the picture. Cody began to feel even more worthless than usual. What purpose was he possibly serving on this earth right now? He wasn't good at anything, he weighed his family down, and everything would be better if he just killed himself. Wait. Kill himself? Cody made a startling realization. He wasn't thinking these thoughts. It was the voices. He was mortified. He contemplated how he could possibly get him to stop. There seemed no other option than to listen to them.

But he knew he couldn't listen to them. Even though he whined and weighed everybody down, they still loved him. They would be so sad if he committed suicide. His thoughts were now conflicting. And the voices would not SHUT THE FUCK UP! "SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He was now screaming in the bus. He began to hyperventilate. He couldn't think. He wasn't Cody Martin anymore. He was now defined by his depression. It was consuming him in whole. What on earth could make them stop? He now knew what the only solution was: He had to listen to them. He wasn't ever going to be able to be normal again. And he'd rather live no life than this twisted version of life he was living now.

Cody was beginning to have erratic, irrational thought. He began to ponder what type of suicide he should commit. His thoughts were broken and jagged. But, at a moment's notice, Cody regained his head. He knew this wasn't right. He needed to talk to someone. CATHY! He had her number in his wallet. He got his cell and reached in his wallet and pulled out the card.

CATHY M. ZUNIGA

LCSW

BOSTON GENERAL HOSPITAL

276-1760

He dialed the number ever so slowly and pressed the send key. Ringing. Ringing. More ringing. He grew impatient. All of a sudden, a familiar voice answered.

"Boston General Social Work, Cathy speaking, how may I help you."

Cody began the conversation. "I need help."

"Who is this?"

"Cody Martin. I can't handle it. I need to go. Away. Forever."

Cathy began worrying. "Cody, it's okay. Where is your father? Your brother?"

"They are in the theatre."

"Please go get them, Cody. I need to speak with them. Where are you?"

"On the bus. I want to do it, Cathy. I want to die."

Cathy once again said "Go get your father, Cody. Now, please."

"It isn't worth worrying them. I'll do it real quick and painless." Cody began to speak strangely, as if it was no longer him speaking.

"This isn't the answer, Cody."

"Of course it it. This is what everyone wants. Nobody cares what I want or do or how I feel. They let me come out here by myself for Christ's sake! No one cares. Mom cared. I want to be with her. Goodbye, Cathy." Cody terminated the call, knowing now that he was more sure than ever.

Cathy began to panic. She pulled up Kurt's cell number in Cody's case file. She dialed the numbers so fast that she fumbled the first time. Finally, she dialed and the phone began to ring.

"This is Kurt." Kurt answered the phone.

"Mr. Martin, this is Cathy Zuniga, director of social services at Boston General. Your son just called me extremely upset. He was contemplating suicide. I am very concerned."

"Oh my god! I'm running to the bus now. What do I do?" Kurt was in complete shock.

"You need to take him to the nearest hospital emergency ward. According to my database, that would be UPMC Shadyside. I will call and have them ready for a direct 302 mental health admission."

"What is that?"

"A mandatory 72 hour observation in a safe psychiatric ward where he can be evaluated. He needs help, Mr. Martin."

Zack had caught up with his father. He was unsure what was happening, but he knew it wasn't good.

"Alright. I'm almost to the bus." Kurt began to worry even more with each step. As he approached the door to the bus, he told Zack to wait outside. He complied, still unsure what was wrong.

Kurt opened the door to the worst sight he had ever seen. Laying on the floor of the bus was his precious son, Cody, next to an empty prescription bottle.

"OH MY GOD! He took pills, Cathy. He took pills!"

Cathy had hoped she would have been able to stop this. She tried to calm Kurt down.

"Please stay calm! What did he take. I'm calling paramedics to your location now, given that this stupid GPS thingy works." She got a GPS lock and called the county 911 center for their location.

Kurt checked the bottle. "Fuck, he got my Ambien."

"Okay, Mr. Martin. The paramedics are on their way. Before they 302 admit him, they'll have to pump his stomach. I'll get the emergency room prepped for his arrival. Everything will be okay."

Cathy made her calls to UPMC Shadyside and Kurt went out to get Zack, but was surprised to see that he had been behind him the whole time. Kurt hugged his conscious son, but was interrupted by Cathy's voice.

"Please check to make sure Cody is breathing and has a pulse."

"He has both, thank God."

"OK, how many tablets approximately were in the bottle. If you estimate, please overestimate."

"About 20. Maybe 22."

"OK. I'm relaying the information to the paramedics. I'm staying on the line until paramedics arrive."

As Cody lay unconscious on the floor, Kurt and Zack continued their embrace, and tried to reassure each other.

"Please don't die, Cody. I love you, bud." Zack said with tears rolling down his face. Cody didn't respond.

Zack worried what would happen if his brother died also. He couldn't handle that. The only thing getting him through now was the fact that he had to care for Cody. Zack continued wondering and worrying compulsively.

About 4 minutes later, a team of paramedics barreled through the door. They put Cody on a transfer board and then placed him on the gurney. They started a saline drip on IV, and then rolled him out the door. As they boosted him into the ambulance, Zack and Kurt started the bus, and rolled off behind them.

"Please God, I know I'm asking for a lot lately. But please, let Cody be okay."

Zack hoped his prayer would be answered.

A/N 2: A 302 admission is an involuntary commitment to a mental health facility for treatment. 


	7. The Visit To Shadyside ER: Bay 18

A/N: I had realized after writing the last chapter that a Section 302 is something only performed in Pennsylvania. A section 302 is an involuntary commitment to a mental facility. Something seen further on in this story, a section 201 is a voluntary admission to a mental health facility. Anyway, as always, I really appreciate reads and reviews. I'm hoping this is as great a story to read as it is to write.

The ambulance drove faster than they could keep up, its sirens blaring, its lights brighter than the biggest flash of lightning you have ever seen. Both Zack and Kurt rode in silence to the hospital. The tension was able to be cut with a knife. Both were so worried that they would soon be dealing not only with the death of their ex-wife/mother, but the death of their son/brother.

Zack should've known that this was coming. He saw all of the warning signs. Why was he so fucking stupid? He should have never let Cody go out to the bus alone. He knew it was too soon. But why on earth would his brother try to commit suicide? He knew that mom's death was tragic and unexpected, but what did that have to do with Cody. Cody could've gotten help. Cody could've went to him. Zack came to a stunning realization: he was assuming Cody was dead in the ambulance ahead of him. But he wasn't, not yet at least. He had a strong pulse and very good breathing. Everything was going to be ok. Right? He couldn't bring himself to be 100% certain.

Zack was interrupted by the lack of engine sound. He and his father had arrived at UPMC Shadyside where his brother would be having his stomach pumped very soon. The two couldn't follow the ambulance to the ambulance dock, so they found themselves a place to park in the Emergency parking garage and ran to the doors marked "EMERGENCY." Zack thought this was eerily familiar to the night when they arrived at BGH's emergency ward. A chill went up his spine.

The twosome arrived at the emergency room registration desk. Kurt spoke in a hurried, erratic way.

"Where is my son!"

"Name, please?"

"Cody Martin."

"Bay 18, here are your visitor IDs. Hold them up to the reader at the door to open it."

Zack thought that was really creepy. He hadn't told his father, but that was the same bay Mom died in (at another hospital, of course.) He hoped Cody would have better luck than Mom.

"Thank you." Kurt said as he grabbed Zack's hand and went over to the door. He did as he was instructed with his ID. The door beeped three times fast and clicked open. Kurt and his son went over towards bay 18 where they would see another one of the most horrific sights of their lives.

On the gurney laid Cody, completely unconscious. Attached to his left arm, halfway up, was an IV line, pumping fluid into his body in an attempt to rehydrate him and dilute the Ambien so his body could process what was already in his bloodstream. Going up and in his left nostril and down his throat was a nasogastric line, which was almost in place so that the stomach pumping could begin.

Zack couldn't stand to look at the body of his identical twin. He couldn't afford to lose another family member, especially not his brother. He wished that it could be him instead of Cody. Actually, he wished it could be neither of them. It's pretty pointless what Cody was doing. It wasn't going to help anybody. Zack heard the head of the nasogastric team say that they were going to begin removing the contents of Cody's stomach. He watched as the nurse set the machine's pressure and pump interval. As she readied to press the "START TREATMENT" button, Zack looked away once more. He couldn't bear to watch. After a three-toned confirmation beep, Zack heard the machines main pump start up. He didn't hear anything out of Cody. Maybe he wasn't feeling anything. The pumping lasted for about 20 minutes because the machine would rest for 10 seconds every 30 seconds of pumping. After the entire contents of Cody's stomach had been removed, the NG team pulled out the tube ever so carefully, and set the infusion rate of his fluids at a higher rate. They could now only pray that Cody would awaken.

Zack had been genuinely disgusted by the entire procedure that he had just heard. He knew if he had watched, he would have passed out. The whole time, Kurt stood holding the hands of both his conscious and unconscious sons at the same time, praying heavily that a miracle would happen and his baby boy would be okay.

After all the commotion settled down, the nurses left and let Zack and Kurt be with Cody while they waited and hoped that he would be back to the world of the conscious within an hour or two. Zack tried watching the TV, looking up and down the channels for something exciting. However, he was too worried about Cody to relax and sit down to watch TV. He would be up, and then down. Up, and then down. He'd pace, he'd tap his foot, he'd shake his legs back and forth. He just couldn't sit still with all of the stuff going on around him. Zack took a look at Cody's vital monitor:

HR:62

BP: 110/70

Sp02: 92%

"IRREGULAR RHYTHM. BE ADVISED."

"SpO2 DECREASED. BE ADVISED."

"ALARMS ENABLED"

Zack figured that it was a great sign that Cody's heart was beating, even if it was irregularly. And he knew his brother was breathing wonderfully, even though he did just swallow an entire bottle of sleeping pills.

Zack noticed a kick under Cody's covers. And then another. His neck rolled slightly, and he began to stir.

"NURSE, NURSE!" Zack screamed over to the nurse's station.

"Yes?" the nurse responded via the in-room address system.

"My brother is stirring! Come quick!"

"We'll be right in."

Zack saw the pathetic form his brother was in, and knew that he would be in serious pain when he awoke. Cody opened his eyes and then his mouth:

"You should've let me die."


	8. The Decision: 302 or 201

A/N: It was brought to my attention that I made a medical error. Ambien, even when taken in a high dose, will not cause a sudden loss of consciousness. I try to keep my story as medically accurate and interesting as possible, and I do apologize for the error.

"What?" Zack knew he must have heard his brother incorrectly.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME DIE, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!" Cody didn't even appear sad. He was just angry and pissed. But really, most of all, he seemed to feel, well, nothing.

Zack stood in place, dumbfounded. As Cody regained consciousness, the nursing staff around him began erratically checking vital signs, ordering changes in prescription dosages, and asking questions. Zack wasn't sure if he should be sad or furious. It wasn't his fault that his brother wanted to die. That was his brother's issue. Why would Cody act like Zack was to blame. He had been nothing but supportive of his brother. He couldn't bite his tongue. He argued back.

"Motherfucker, really? I'm a motherfucker? You're the asshole who tried to back out on us. Maybe we should've let you die! Go fuck yourself."

Zack left the room completely livid. He couldn't believe the nerve of that jackass! He just couldn't believe it. He stopped his angry mental tirade when he heard a nurse yell:

"I NEED HALDOL INTRAMUSCULAR STAT!"

What the hell was Haldol? Zack was unsure what the drug was used for. He ran back to the room. He was stopped at the door by his father.

"What's going on, Dad?"

"Well, Zack, after your little rampage, your brother decided to grab a pair of scissors out of the ER nurse's scrub pocket and try to cut himself. Thankfully, another nurse stopped him. But, they are sedating him with Haldol to protect him."

"Oh,...Oh,...Oh, my god. What did I do!" Zack broke down, and fell onto his knees, crying hysterically. "I told my brother he should've died! What kind of person am I?" The emotions flowing through his body brought him down further to the ground. What if Cody didn't make it? He could never forgive himself. Zack felt like such an asshole. He was the one who deserved to die. Kurt tried to calm him, but it was of no use.

About 20 minutes passed while Zack thought about his actions and Cody began to regain some sort of control over his body. After Cody came back to reality, he refrained from speaking. He was moved to a safe isolation room. A short while later, they were greeted by a knock at the door.

"Knock, knock." a woman's voice said.

"Come in" Kurt responded.

"Hi, I'm Regina Fenwall. I am the mental health services social worker here at UPMC Shadyside. Can I have a few words with you folks?"

"Of course."

"Well, as you know, we are dealing with a mental health case here. Your son did attempt to commit suicide, correct?"

Cody kept his mouth shut.

"Yes," Kurt responded. "He overdosed."

"Ok. Cody, do you still want to harm yourself."

He replied with a hushed "No." that was relatively unconvincing.

"Do you want to harm anybody else?"

"No." That one sounded convincing."

"OK, Mr. Martin, may I have a word in the hall?"

"Sure," he responded. "Zack, stay with Cody please."

Zack nodded in response.

Kurt followed Regina into the hallway, and shut the door to the isolation room behind him.

"Mr. Martin, we believe that your son is suffering from a mental disorder. We know that he has been having issues with depression recently and in the past, but we think it could be more than that."

"What do you think he has?" Kurt asked. He couldn't fathom that this was anything more than depression related to his mother's death.

"Without an evaluation, we're unsure. We would like to commit him to a mental institution via Section 302 of the Mental Health Procedures Act of Pennsylvania."

"OK, how do we do that?"

"Well, you see, we would prefer to not have to. If Cody is 302'ed, it will appear on any background check run on him and will prevent him from ever owning a firearm."

Kurt was confused. "What is the alternative?"

"Well, in the Mental Health Procedures Act, there is a section 201, which is a voluntary admission to a mental health institution. However, since Cody is over the age of 14, he has to commit himself. You can't do it for him unless we go 302."

"OK, well, let's talk to him."

"Okay."

Both Kurt and Regina walked back into the room. They attempted to get Cody's attention. After a few minutes of trying, they had all of him that they were going to get. Kurt began the intervention:

"Cody, we love you, and we don't want to upset you, but you have a serious problem."

Cody refused to listen to them. He didn't have a problem. He knew what he wanted. He wanted to die. It wasn't problematic.

Regina tried her hand at the matter. "Cody, I know it's cliché, but admitting that this is a problem will help you make the first step toward recovery."

Cody wondered if they were right. He didn't even know who he was anymore. He remembered the voices. They made him do this. All of a sudden, it came flooding back to him. He remembered that he hadn't wanted to do this. It was the voices. It was all the voices. He needed to get his life back. But how could he do that alone? He would need help, but he didn't know if he could ever look at Zack or his father again. Not after what he did to them. Cody began to cry.

"Cody, it's okay honey. We're here to help you. Do you know that this is a problem?"

In a barely audible voice, Cody said "Mhm." He sounded very vulnerable, almost as if he were 3 years old again.

"OK, Cody. We need to get you to a mental health facility. We have two options: option A, you go voluntarily and no one needs to know, or option B, we commit you to an involuntary 72 hour hold, and everyone who ever background checks you will see that you were 302'ed. Your choice."

Regina almost felt bad for being so forward and unsympathetic, but it seemed to be the only option with Cody.

"I'll go voluntarily." he stated quietly. A collective breath of relief was exhaled by the room.

"Excellent. I'll go do a bed search and find a facility for you, OK?

Cody began to cry again. "O..o..okay" he said in between breaths.

Regina left the room but soon returned with some paperwork and a facility assignment.

"OK, we are sending you to Dubois Regional Medical Center's East campus. We call it DRMC East. They have an adolescent unit designed specifically for children and teenagers. You'll be transferred by ambulance in just a few minutes."

Cody wasn't really sure what to say. He was glad he was getting help, but it felt as if he had failed at maintaining his depression. Lord knew that Zack and Kurt were upset with him for pulling this stunt. But, in the end, he knew that he had to do it. He couldn't survive without help.

Out in the hall, Regina made a phone call. "Yes, Martin comma Cody, direct admission section 201. OK, thank you!" She returned to the room. "Everything is ready to go. Are you ready to go out to the ambulance.

Cody wondered for a moment and replied "Sure, let's go."

The group wondered when and if Cody could snap again. If he did while on an ambulance, it could be hazardous to the safety of all those around him. It was therefore determined by a doctor that Cody be left connected to the IV infusion pump while it gave him a steady dose of Haldol, that way he would remain calm.

This was the start of the longest week in Cody's life. Zack wondered if Cody would be able to hold up in a mental health unit. He knew that there would be some really crazy people there, and he prayed that Cody would be able to look past them and make his way on the path of recovery.

"Dear God, thank you for saving my brother. And forgive me for telling my brother the horrible things I said. I love him very much, and I'd die without him."


	9. Day 0: In Which It All Begins

After Cody had been loaded into the ambulance successfully, Kurt and Zack followed behind by a few minutes in the bus. He had arranged for the other band members to fly back to Boston. Dubois was about three hours from Pittsburgh, so this trip was going to take time. After a few short minutes, Kurt lost the ambulance, so he resorted to typing in the address on his GPS.

"Zack, what's the address?" he asked his son.

"317 Maple Avenue, Dubois, PA"

Kurt fumbled for a few seconds with the GPS, then turned it over to his son. "Here, you do it. These things piss me off."

Zack laughed for the first time in a couple hours. He typed in the address. After the route had been calculated, he put the GPS back on the dashboard. He looked at the estimated time to arrival counter, which read 2 hours 48 minutes. Zack took this opportunity, now that he knew his brother was well-sedated and safe, to take a much needed nap.

As Zack dozed off, he began to dream. This dream was different than any he had had before. He saw Cody. He was walking over the old bridge down by the state park. Why on God's earth was Cody standing on that bridge. He began to climb up the bridge wall, which was only about three and a half feet high. He looked down and then look straight up as if he was talking to someone in the sky. Zack became worried. He started to run toward his brother. But, before he could get there, Cody had already taken a plunge into the river forty feet below. Zack heard screaming unlike anything he had ever heard. He ran to look down. He shouldn't have done that. About forty feet below his feet were the shattered remains of his identical twin. Zack couldn't believe what he just witnessed. He was too late. His brother was gone. It felt so real. He thought about jumping after his brother, but knew he wouldn't survive the fall. And, he was definitely unable to be saved. He stood on the bridge, and cried. But who was standing beside him? It was Cody! But, didn't he just die?

"CODY! Are you ok?"

He replied in a monotone voice. "No. This is my reality. This is how I feel everyday of my life. This is why I want to die."

Zack wanted to respond, he wanted to help Cody. However, after Cody's response, Zack had been jarred out of his sleep by road construction and lost the connection with his brother. He came back into reality, slowly, and looked at the GPS. The estimated time to arrival was 28 minutes. It sure didn't feel like he slept that long. They had just gotten onto Interstate 80, and were making there way towards exit 101, Dubois. Zack tried to recall the dream, but it was foggy. He knew he had seen Cody try to jump off the bridge, but it wasn't as vivid as it was then. He now understood, though, why Cody did what he did. It was too much for Cody to handle. Zack thanked God that the bridge scene was not how Cody attempted suicide, because Zack knew that Cody wouldn't be in that ambulance right now. He would be dead.

Kurt and Zack finally made it to exit 101. They took a very sharp turn around a big hill and came up to a stop sign. The woman on the GPS began spouting off directions at a rapid fire pace. They turned left on Bee Line Highway, left onto Shaffer Rd and then right onto Maple Ave. The bus traveled a few blocks until finally Kurt and Zack came to a sign that read:

"Dubois Regional Medical Center

East Campus

NO EMERGENCY SERVICES AT THIS FACILITY"

Zack wondered what hospital didn't offer emergency services, but put that off for another time. They followed the signs to Entrance C, where they had been told by Regina to register at. They met an ambulance at the entrance.

"We need to stop the Haloperidol drip before we can get him off of the ambulance. I have my technician taking care of it now. You guys go in and start the registration."

Kurt nodded and proceeded through the power-assisted doors. The building seemed very old. He saw a plaque on the wall that said "MAPLE AVENUE HOSPITAL." That must have been the name of the hospital before the hospitals merged or something. He went up to a small window labeled "Registration" and rang the bell.

"May I help you?" A younger woman, probably about mid-20s came over to the window.

"Yes, I am here to admit my son. He is being transferred from UPMC Shadyside."

"Oh, yes, we've been called. I have a direct 201 admit order here for Martin comma Cody?

"Correct."

"Ok, I'll call up and have one of the psych aides take you guys upstairs, okay?"

"Sure, thanks." Kurt never thought he would thank someone for offering to take him to a psychiatric ward.

Zack and Kurt went back outside to check on the removal of Cody's intravenous line. It seemed as if they had removed the line and were beginning to get Cody up. They awoke him by gently nudging his side, and he stirred. As he sat up, it was a sad, sad sight. His eyes were swollen from crying and they appeared to be looking in different places. His breathing was slow and labored. His whole face seemed sunken in and appeared to have little to no life left in it. Zack had to turn away. He wasn't sure how Cody could come back from this.

They walked Cody ever so carefully into the waiting area. They grabbed a wheelchair and had him take a seat. Cody began to talk, his speech slurring as he spoke.

"I...I'm sorry, you guys. I lo...love you. I didn't mean for it to get this far. You shouldn't have to put up with me. I'm...I'm a horrible person!"

Kurt began to cry at his son's speech. Zack soon followed suit.

"Cody," Kurt said "you are having some real issues here. We love you and everything is going to be okay. I promise. You're going to get better."

Cody was now crying. Before he could speak, however, he was greeted by a woman whose nametag read only "Jennifer, Registered Nurse."

"Hello, are you Cody?" she asked in a sweet voice.

Cody only nodded.

"Ok, my name is Jennifer and I am your 'primary' nurse here at our unit. I'll give you your medications..." she was interrupted by Cody.

"Medications?" Cody asked, worried. "What kind of medications? I'm not THAT crazy, am I?"

"You aren't crazy, period, but yes, medication will more than likely be a part of Doctor's care plan for you."

Cody wondered why the woman called the psychiatrist "Doctor", but he could figure that out later.

Jennifer continued. "I will give you your medication, take your vitals every morning, and be here if you ever need to talk when a counselor isn't in."

Cody didn't really know what he would possibly need to talk about. His mother's death was a big one, but other than that he didn't really know what caused his depression in general. He only knew what was exacerbating it. He hoped he could figure it out though, before the voices came back.

Cody responded. "Ok, I guess."

Jennifer gave him a smile. "It's going to be alright, honey. We're going to help you get better. I need to sign this paper stating that you are signing yourself in under Section 201 of the mental health procedures act."

Kurt spoke up. "Shouldn't I be signing things for him?"

Jennifer replied. "No, in the state of Pennsylvania, all mental health care can be managed by the patient, as long as they are over age 14 and are competent."

Kurt nodded in understanding, and sat back in the couch. Cody took the paper and signed it. He hoped he hadn't just signed his life away.

Jennifer had one other paper. "This paper states that you will give us a 72 hour notice if you plan on signing yourself out of the hospital. Dad, you have to sign this one."

Cody was curious. "So, if I decide that I hate it here tomorrow, I can't leave without giving you 72 hour's notice?"

"That's correct. Dad, the same applies to you."

Both of the Martin's signed the paper. They knew that Cody getting better depended on it.

"OK, then, follow me upstairs!" Jennifer said in an extremely cheery tone.

The Martin clan did as they were told, and as they boarded the elevator to the second floor, they each began to wonder what laid ahead for Cody. Jennifer pressed the button for the second floor, and then entered the security code, considering that the adolescent unit was secure, and this elevator was not for visitor access. The elevator started moving upward, and Cody's journey to health was about to begin.


	10. Day 0, Part 2: In Which It All Begins

A/N: Not including this chapter, over the next several chapters, Zack and Kurt will be next to non-existent while we focus on Cody. Also, each chapter (as is labeled) will equal 1 day in DRMC East. Keep reading :) - Zack

The elevator door opened. To the right were a few offices and to the left was a set of double doors with a sign on them:

ADOLESCENT BEHAVIORAL HEALTH UNIT

DOOR A

NO VISITORS ADMITTED AT THIS ENTRANCE

PLEASE USE DOOR C

Jennifer took a lanyard from around her neck which had a key on it. She inserted the key into a hole in the wall with two lights. As she turned the key to the right, the light changed from red to green and the magnetic door released. Jennifer pushed the door open and led Cody, Zack, and Kurt into the dining area of the unit.

"OK, Mr. Martin, I need you and Cody to fill out release forms for all people you would like us to be able to make contact with regarding Cody's mental health records. We'll need one for DRMC, Doctor, your insurance, Cody's school, and the like. I've taken the liberty of filling them out, all I need is a signature from you."

"Alright, then. Where do we sign?"

She pointed out all of the locations where a signature was required. Cody and Kurt signed them all, one by one. While Jennifer continued to ramble on to Kurt, Cody was thinking. He realized that for the first time in a while, he felt safe. The voices weren't bothering him, there was nothing he could use to hurt himself, and his thoughts were moving at a natural pace. This place could help him, he could feel it. He glanced over at Zack and shot him a slight smile to let him know he would be okay. Under the table, Zack grabbed Cody's hand. They hadn't held hands since they were 7, but it felt nice that Zack loved his brother. Zack still felt bad about what he had said to Cody in the emergency room, and Cody could tell. They had a sort of twin telepathy. They couldn't really read each other's minds, but they could tell when the other was sad, happy, angry, et cetera. Zack was still clamping onto Cody's hand whenever a nurse named Peggy called him into the hall.

"Cody, can you come with me please?"

Cody reluctantly went along. He didn't want to get off on the wrong foot with his treatment. He hugged his brother and walked into the hall.

"Alrighty, Cody, my name is Peggy and I am the LPN tonight. I need to wand you and get you a wristband. Can you please stand in the middle of this room and spread your arms and legs?"

Cody did as he was told. Peggy came up behind him with a wand. They found his cell phone and wallet, both of which were confiscated and would be returned to his father before he and Zack left. Other than that, he checked out. She gave him a set of nursing scrubs to change into. It was the policy of the hospital that all patients be on "suicide watch" until they were seen by the one they called "Doctor." Therefore, Cody wasn't allowed to wear the clothes his father packed until he saw the psychiatrist tomorrow.

"OK, Cody, this is your wristband. Do not take it off until you leave the hospital. Whenever we do medication pass, we will ask to see your wristband. I will also ask you your date of birth. If you take your wristband off on purpose, you won't be able to wear your own clothes and you'll have to wear scrubs all the time. But I don't think we'll have any issue with you." She flashed him a cute little old lady smile.

Cody felt stripped of his dignity. For at least the next 72 hours, he wouldn't leave this one-hallway unit. There were about 13 rooms, and he wasn't really sure how many of them were occupied. There was a TV Room, the kitchen, a general practitioner's office, the psychiatrist's office, and a classroom. He also spotted Door C which Door A spoke of earlier. In the TV room, he could see 4 other boys who seemed to be really rambunctious. He figured he'd meet them soon enough, so he went back over to the kitchen where his brother and father were listening to Jennifer.

"...3 calls a day, and the times are posted in the nurse's station and on your paperwork. Any questions? Oh, hi Cody! Welcome back." Jennifer was speaking in her usually high voice.

"Hey." Cody responded, letting his guard down just a little.

"OK, doctor consulted with your physician at UPMC and has prescribed you 300 milligrams of Seroquel for tonight to help you sleep and stay calm. I need you to sign this permission form, Mr. Martin."

Cody was nervous. He had heard of Seroquel. It was an atypical antipsychotic. He knew because he had done his 8th grade paper on their use in children. The general consensus was that they were overused in teens. He hoped he wouldn't be one of those cases. Cody signed the form, as did Kurt.

"Great! OK, Cody, say goodbye to your family. We'll walk them out, okay?"

Cody began to cry just a little but knew that it had to be done. "Yes, ma'am."

They walked Zack and Kurt to the exit. Kurt gave his son one last really big hug and told him that he loved him no matter what was upsetting him. Zack gave Cody a quick hug because he didn't want to end up crying on his shoulder. Cody was going through enough as it was. And with that, Jennifer turned the key, changed the light from red to green, and let the Martin's out, minus Cody. As the door shut behind them, Cody just kept waving.

"OK, Cody, let's go meet some of your unit mates, alright?"

"Sure, I guess."

They proceeded into the TV room. She introduced Cody to them all.

"Hey, guys, this is Cody."

Everybody waved and yelled "HI, CODY!" They seemed to be a little hyperactive, rather than depressed. Cody worried about getting along with the others. They just didn't seem to be his kind of people. But, he figured he shouldn't be so judgemental, and continued listening to their introductions.

"Hi, I'm Joshua" a boy around age 12 said.

"What's up, I'm Justin" said a rather large kid about age 17. Maybe he and Cody could talk, seeing as how they were both 17.

"I'm Tosh. It's short for Toshimoto." This guy looked like he was around Josh's age.

"And I'm Tristan!" a little boy around 6 said.

"Alright, guys, it's 8:45. We'll do final med pass and then it's off to our rooms for the night"

A collective grunt was heard throughout the unit.

Cody went over to the nurse's station for final med pass (which was technically his first.) He showed his wristband and gave his birth date. He was given a white capsule, imprinted with SEROQUEL on one side and 300 on the other. He swallowed the pill with a gulp of lukewarm med cart water, and then asked for his room assignment. He was in room 225 by himself (thank God.) He went back to his room and took a look around.

The room had two beds, a big window with huge locks on the panes, a bathroom, and a mini-closet corner cubby thing. Cody wasn't really sure what to call it. He checked out the bathroom. It had a pressure toilet, a sink, and a shower. It was actually really clean and the shower wasn't too shabby. Cody went over and laid in his bed. It was really comfortable. He hoped he would get his first good night's sleep since his mother died. He shut his eyes, and said a little prayer:

"Dear Lord, I'm going to need your help to get through this. Please give me my angel. Let my mother watch over me. Amen."


	11. Day 1: In Which We Meet Laurie

A/N: Please go to my profile and vote on the poll about whether or not you would like me to attempt a songfic chapter in this story. REPEAT: CHAPTER, not whole songfic. Just something I was thinking about trying. Thanks! PLEASE READ AND REVIEW AND KEEP READING :)

Within thirty minutes, Cody was out. His unmedicated body was very susceptible to the intoxicating effects of Seroquel. He began to dream, and for the first time in nights it wasn't about suicide. He was dreaming about the time that Zack, his mom, and he went to the movies about three months ago. They went to see some cheesy romantic comedy, Cody couldn't recall which one. They had so much fun and laughed at how corny the movie was. They shared a big bucket of popcorn and the biggest soda they made. After the movie, they went to Applebee's for three dollar appetizers. It had been the perfect end to a perfect day. Seeing his mother in the dream made him very happy and calm. He was, unfortunately, awoken from his slumber by a voice.

"Cody?" said a woman dressed in scrubs.

He yawned noisily. He woke up feeling relatively drugged and didn't think he could remain awake for much more than thirty seconds. He worked up the energy to respond.

"Yes?"

"Hi, my name is Barbara, I work at the lab over at the west campus. I need to take some blood to establish some baseline values for you. Some of the medication you might take requires you to have certain levels of certain medication."

Cody only half heard what she had said. "Sure, do whatever." He started to doze back off.

She wrapped a tourniquet band around the upper part of his right arm. "OK, Cody, I need you to squeeze a fist three times and then hold on the fourth."

Cody did as he was instructed and was greeted by a stinging sensation on the fourth squeeze. Needles weren't his favorite thing in the first place, and the Seroquel made everything around him seem so significant, so the sensation was intensified.

After that, she told Cody that it was only five in the morning, and that they would get his vital signs and give him breakfast around seven. Cody let out a groan of disappointment, because he wasn't sure if he would be able to fall back asleep. As Barbara left the room, he closed his eyes and, to his amazement, drifted back into a deep sleep. Unfortunately for him, however, the dream never came back to him.

About two and a half hours later, Cody was awoken by a new face. Her name was Laurie, and her ID said her title was "Teacher". Standing beside her was Peggy, the LPN who had been there the night before. Peggy took Cody's pulse, his blood pressure, his temperature, and his oxygen saturation. As she finished, Laurie began talking to Cody.

"Hi, Cody, my name is Laurie. I am the teacher here at the unit. Do you mind talking to me for a little bit, just so that I can get some information on the things you're doing in school right now and what you like to do in your spare time."

Cody laughed a little. What spare time? He had been waist-deep in homework for the past 3 months, he was working nearly every night at his part-time job at the convenience store, and she wanted to know what he did in spare time. He did think about it though. If he had free time, he guessed he would like reading, journaling, Facebook-ing, you know, geeky stuff. Laurie said "OK, well, we can't let you Facebook, but in my classroom, I have all sorts of books, new stuff, old stuff, short stuff, long stuff. You can borrow whatever you like to read during quiet time!"

Cody was curious. "Quiet time?"

Laurie elaborated. "Yes, Cody, every day for two 40 minute periods of time, you will go back to your room and read, sleep, bath, whatever. You just can't talk or be out of your room."

Cody was worried. When he was alone, the voices liked to creep up on him. His mind would run on end, and he couldn't get any of it straight.

"I don't like quiet time. That's when it gets worse."

Laurie seemed sincere in her response. "Aw, Cody, I'm sorry. But, we can't make exceptions. When you see doctor today, tell him about it. He might be able to write an order so that you can come out and talk to a staff member if you get too upset, okay?"

Cody didn't feel much better about it. And there somebody goes again calling this psychiatrist "Doctor."

"Why do you guys call the psychiatrist "doctor?"

Laurie chuckled. "Look at your wristband, honey." Cody glanced down at the band.

MARTIN, CODY 225A

HRECZNYJ, DR. BOHDAN N

AED

Laurie continued to giggle. "Any idea how you pronounce that?"

Cody was dumbfounded. "No, I guess. Makes sense why you would call that, then." Cody now fully understood the daily confusion these people must go through.

Laurie continued. "It's pronounced 'HER-ETCH-KNEE'."

Cody laughed. "Thank God that isn't my last name. I think I'll just call him Doctor." Cody felt something about Laurie. She was so nice. He felt like if he ever needed someone to talk to, she would be the one. It made him feel more comfortable in the unit.

Laurie moved the conversation back on topic. "So, what have you been doing in school?"

"Well, before Mom died, I was working on writing speeches in honors English, histology in honors biology, sine curves in trigonometry, and the cold war in history." Cody had almost forgotten most of it. He hadn't really been too awful interested in school since Mom had passed.

Laurie was impressed. "Wow! I didn't even take Trig until I was in college. And histology? Wow! That rocks. Did you bring any study materials with you?"

Cody thought that Dad and Zack may have left his books and stuff before they left.

"Okay, well, great! Now, come on, let's go to breakfast."

Cody did as he was told. The scrub suit he was in was actually pretty comfortable, so he didn't bother even thinking about changing, not that he could anyway. He still hadn't seen Doctor. He followed Laurie down the hall into the dining area he had been in not more than ten hours ago.

"Hey, Cody!" Everyone at the table gave him a warm greeting.

"You can have anything you want. We have packs of frozen pancakes, fresh fruit, cereal, Pop-Tarts. What can I get you?" Laurie asked him.

Cody didn't have much of an appetite. He was still pretty tired from the Seroquel. He asked for an apple and some ginger ale. Laurie grabbed and washed him a delicious looking bright red apple and a small glass of ginger ale. As he ate, he wondered what his first day here was going to be like. He hoped he would see Doctor soon. He nibbled at his apple, but was full after only a few bites. As he finished his glass of ginger ale, Peggy called for Cody.

"Cody, Doctor wants to see you."

Laurie interrupted her. "Wait! Before you go, set a goal for today."

Cody knew what he wanted to do today. He replied: "Be open and honest with my caregivers so I can get out of here faster."

Laurie chuckled and Cody walked out of the room. He stood outside an office:

DR. BOHDAN N. HRECZNYJ

DIRECTOR

ADOLESCENT BEHAVIORAL HEALTH SERVICES

He took a deep breath and turned the handle.


	12. Day 1: In Which We Meet Dr Hrecznyj

Cody took one last deep breath and then pushed open the door. He was instantly greeted by a fifty year old man with a huge smile and a bad hair day. The man sat in an elaborate chair behind a huge real oak desk. His office was small, but not too awful cramped. There was a passage that led to somewhere Cody was unsure of. He assumed it must have led to a bathroom or something.

"How are you today, Cody?"

"Okay, I guess. Better than yesterday."

"Well, that's good. What brought you here yesterday?"

"I tried to overdose on Ambien. As you can see, I failed."

Dr. Hrecznyj chuckled. "Well, thank God for that!"

"Yeah, I guess." Cody decided to end the small talk. "I really think I should have done it. What good am I doing here. I won't be able to handle things with...with..." He struggled with the words. "with...Mom gone." He broke down and began to cry.

"Cody, calm down. We're going to help you get through this. Tell me, how long had you thought about your suicide attempt before you did it."

Cody wasn't sure how to respond. He heard the voices talking about it for some time, but they were eating away at him like a carnivorous earwig yesterday.

"They were really bad yesterday." Cody responded to Dr. H's inquiry. He thought that would be a great way to refer to him. Doctor sounded so tribal. Dr. H was much better.

"Who are they?" Dr. H asked yet another question.

"The voices." Cody responded. "I don't really know who they are, they are just there."

Dr. H scribbled some illegible notes. "How long have you heard the voices?"

"They came back after Mom died a few days ago. I've had them in the past, about 4 or 5 years ago. They just sort of went away, and they were nowhere near as bad as they are now."

"Okay, do you have any homicidal thoughts?"

"No."

"Any hallucinations, other than the voices?"

Cody stopped to think. He remembered "seeing" Mom next to Zack the one night, but he didn't know if that was a hallucination or not. He decided to brush it off. "No. No hallucinations."

"Okay, did the Seroquel help you last night?"

Cody giggled. "I slept like a rock. It worked wonders. I actually had quiet dreams too. No suicide, no anything."

"Okay, well, if it begins to make you very sleepy during the day, you'll have to let me know."

"Will do."

"Okay, Cody, right now, I'm not 100% sure what is happening with you. You've told me you are depressed and anxious, you've attempted suicide, and you are hallucinating voices that are telling you to harm yourself. Anything else?"

"No, sir."

'"Okay, well for now, we are going to diagnose you as General Depression NOS, which stands for "Not otherwise specified.' I want you to go to counseling and group here and I will take a look at the reports. Until then, I'm going to keep you on suicide watch, so you won't be able to leave the facility when any visitors come in. Any questions?"

Cody was sort of bummed that Dr. H was stumped. "How long will I be in here?"

"The average stay is 5-7 days. As part of your treatment, we are going to keep you on 300 milligrams of Seroquel, and I am also going to add in BuSpar 10 milligrams three times daily. That will help with the anxiety, but not right away.

"Alright. Oh, wait, one more thing. Where the heck did you get a name like Hrecznyj?"

Dr. H chuckled. "It's Ukrainian. Just call me Doctor. Or H. Or Doctor H. I answer to it all. Great pronunciation, though. Did Laurie give you the run down?"

"Yeah," Cody laughed. "Thanks, doctor."

"No problem. Please tell Peggy to send the next patient in."

"You got it."

Cody wasn't sure how to take any of this. First, they had no idea what disorder he had, or what he was suffering from. Secondly, they were treating him with medication before they even had a definitive diagnosis. He sure hoped that Dr. H knew what he was doing.

Cody returned to the dining room. He nibbled at his apple as Peggy called Tosh back to see Doctor.

A/N: This chapter is shorter than most, as will every Dr. Hrecznyj encounter chapter. Each day will have an H chapter, as well as a "the rest of the day" chapter. Day 1's remainder chapter will be posted tommorow, and possibly Day 2's H chapter. Also, I apologize for not updating yesterday. I was just really really tired...

Thanks for reading! :)


	13. Day 1: In Which We Meet Stacey

A/N: This is the first "in the ward, full day" chapter. These chapters will alternate with "Dr. H" chapters. The ward chapters are, obviously, the longer of the two. Hope you enjoy this format. Have a great day! Keep reading :)!

***PATIENT: Martin, Cody ROOM:225A MR#:898386***

***PRELIMINARY EVALUATION REPORT***

Patient presented yesterday post suicide attempt. Chief symptoms are suicidality (active), generalized depression, generalized anxiety. Symptoms may be due to recent death of patient's mother, cc to counselor for investigation. Patient started Seroquel 300 mg last night, no known side effects present at this time. Added BuSpar 10 mg three times daily to manage anxiety. Patient will remain on suicide watch until further notice is given

Dr. B.N. Hrecznyj

*************************************END REPORT*********************************

Cody finished up the apple he had been nibbling on and decided to jump on the option of taking a shower. Laurie gathered his towels and washcloth, as well as his "hygiene basket." The basket contained a bottle of shampoo, a bottle of body wash, mouthwash, a tooth brush, tooth paste, and a bar of soap. Cody was nearly disgusted by the lack of quality grooming products, considering that everything in the basket was labeled "Qualitychoice" brand. As he headed back to room 225, he heard the nurse yelling.

"Be sure that you turn it all the way to hot. It takes about five minutes, but it will get there. Don't forget to brush your teeth!" she yelled in a maternally concerned way. It made Cody have mixed feelings. He was happy someone cared about him as his mother used to, but he didn't want to betray his late mother by getting to attached to anyone.

As Cody went back to his room, he went into his room and latched the door. He made his way to the bathroom. As he closed and locked the door behind him, he turned on the shower, all the way to hot as the nurse said. And he began to wait five minutes. He felt the water after about thirty seconds only to find that she was right. It was frigid. He decided that he would put the time to good use. The apple that he had just ate was seeming to upset his stomach, so he thought he would try to go to the bathroom during the downtime. He stripped out of his scrub set, and removed the pair of boxers that he came into the hospital with. He hoped that the staff would at least let him wear the clean boxers that he brought. As he stood naked, he sat himself upon the cold white toilet. He sat and pushed, and finally found out why he wasn't feeling so hot. The medication was making him constipated. However, after the four minutes he had to blow while the shower heated up, he managed to complete the task, only after some serious pain.

Cody didn't bother cleaning up at the toilet, considering he would be doing the same in the shower. He flushed the toilet and proceeded with his towel over and into the shower. He felt the now-steaming hot water flow over his body. It felt really good to get clean, considering he hadn't showered in at least two days. He wasn't really sure how long it had been.

As the water flowed over him, his mind was unable to stop running with the water. He couldn't help but keep thinking about his mother and the nurse who seemed to care so much about him. He couldn't get any of his facts straight in his head, and now the voices were starting to help him out. They screamed in his head.

"You're happy Mom's gone. You want that nice nurse to be your mother. You are a piece of shit. You aren't worth anything." They continued to scream at him.

Cody was unable to remain calm. He began to cry and nearly began screaming in the shower. He grabbed his washcloth and tried to find the bottles of shampoo and body wash through the cloudy glass that was his tear-covered eyes. When he finally found them, he tried to wash his hair and ignore the voices. It didn't work. He tried to scrub himself down and ignore the voices. It didn't work. He tried to ignore the voices. It didn't work. He tried harder. It didn't work. He was scared. He couldn't shut them down. He turned off the shower after rinsing off and went after his towel. He dried himself off and tried to get himself back down to calm. For once, it was working. The voices weren't gone, but they weren't in his prevalent mind any longer. He cried some more as he regained his sanity. He yelled into the hall for a nurse.

"Yes." a passing nurse stopped by.

"Can I get a new scrub set?"

"Sure. Are you okay, you look like you were crying in there."

Cody lied for a reason he was unsure of. "No, I'm fine. I just need to change, that's all."

The nurse responded, obviously skeptical of Cody's comment. "Okay, I'll be right back."

Cody regained his head and began to return to a calm state of mind. He stood with his towel wrapped around his waist until the nurse returned about a minute later with a medium blue scrub set. Cody thanked the nurse and then began to dress. He was happy to see that his new American Eagle boxers were included in the pile of scrubs that the nurse gave him. He pulled up the boxers, then put on the scrub pants, followed by the top. He went into the bathroom and brushed his teeth and hair. After finishing up, he went out to the TV room where everybody else had gathered.

Laurie began to speak. "Alright, everybody, now that Cody is finished, let's go ahead and get over to school, okay?"

All of the other patients groaned. Cody just went through the motions and headed over to the classroom with Laurie. He pulled out some of his histology work and began fuddling through the different epithelial cell types. It bored him almost instantly, which was rare, considering that Cody loved school. After about thirty minutes, he was called over to the door by a woman who was in her mid 40s. Cody reluctantly walked over toward her. She pulled him into the hallway.

"Hi, Cody. Mind if I talk to you for a little bit?"

"No."

"Okay. My name is Stacey. I am your primary counselor. Do you mind if we have a session? It'll only take about thirty minutes."

Cody wasn't really in the mood but figured the question was probably rhetorical. "Sure."

"Great, step into my office." 

Cody took a look around himself. Her office was about the same size as Dr. H's. It had a country contemporary feel to it, and there was a cozy looking rocking chair in the corner. Cody opted to go sit in it.

Stacey began. "Okay, what brings you into our ward?"

Cody went through the same basic motions that he went through with Doctor earlier that day. He told her about the suicide attempt and his anxiety. She took in all of the information without a sound, other than the sound of her pen scribbling notes onto a piece of yellow legal size paper. She followed up with some questions that Doctor hadn't asked.

"Are you afraid you are going to try again, suicide, that is?"

Cody wondered. "I don't know. I'd like to think that I am okay, but the voices...they aren't."

"The voices?" 

"Yes, I hallucinate the voices of unknown people whenever I get upset. I am afraid I am going to lose control of them again."

"When did you hear the voices last?"

Cody figured lying would get him nowhere. "This morning. In the shower. They told me I wasn't worth anything because I wanted my mother dead."

"Do you think your mother's death triggered your suicide attempt?"

"No. It just made it worse. The voices have been here before, just never this bad. So, I guess, yes, it did."

"Well, did you want your mother dead?"

"NO! Of course not. What kind of question is that?" Cody became instantly infuriated.

"Cody, I didn't mean it like that. I'm saying, you know that you didn't want that. These voices are lying to you."

Cody began to calm down. "Oh, well, that doesn't make them any easier to ignore."

"I understand, Cody. We're going to get you through this. That's all I need today. Tommorow, we will talk more in depth about your issues. It's been great getting to know you!"

Cody nodded in agreement. He went over to the dining room again, now that it was lunch.

He ate lunch with the other patients and then went to group and recreational therapy, both of which were uneventful. He kept close to himself, and just waited for nightfall.

Finally, 8 o' clock came around and Cody went for final medication pass. He gave the night nurse the information they needed to dispense the medication, and then went off to his room and laid in his bed.

He figured he came so far today. He was on a new medication regimen, he opened up to his primary counselor, but had trouble opening up in group therapy. They played card games during rec therapy, which helped him not at all. Cody began to feel the Seroquel-induced coma set in, and he slowly drifted to sleep, hoping that tommorow would go just as well, if not better, than today.


	14. And Just When He Relaxes

A/N: Hey, thanks for your continued reading! I know that the past few chapters have been relatively uneventful, but I wanted to ease us in to the new environment and establish a few relationships. But trust me, this chapter changes ALL OF THAT! Keep on reading to find out more! :)

Cody had no idea what had just happened. He looked around and all he saw were 4 white walls and a metal door padded with foam. His head pounded. He felt like someone had just sat on his head, crushing it slowly. He tried to remember what happened. It was to no avail, however. His mind was like a blank slate. He remembered going to sleep the night before, and then he woke up in this room. He screamed out:

"HELP ME! I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM AND I'M SCARED!"

A woman came over a speaker overhead.

"Cody, you are still at DRMC. You are in the solitary room. You tried to hang yourself."

Cody's mind raged with the power of a million wildfires. He thought he would remember something so serious. He began to sob uncontrollably. He just wanted to be better. He began to talk to the overhead through his tears.

"How did I do that?"

"Hold on, Cody. We'll send in the crisis counselor."

The door buzzed and three locks clicked out of the wall and back into the door. A woman walked in with long brown hair and a slender body. Her nametag said "Vicky" and below that it said "Night Counselor." She walked in and sat down on the floor next to Cody, where he was still crying.

"How are you feeling, honey?" Vicky asked him.

"How do you think I feel?" he spouted back at her. "I apparently just tried to kill myself AGAIN and I don't even remember it. I went to bed feeling better than I have in a long time! I don't know what happened. I just don't know!"

"Calm down, Cody. It's gonna be okay. We gave you a shot of Haldol to regain control over you. Do you think that maybe the voices did it?"

"The voices? That's impossible. They couldn't have! They have never had full control of me. I just hear them!"

"Did you hear them yesterday?"

Cody's mind was so cloudy that it took him a while to find the information. It felt like his mind was taken from an Intel Quad-Core processor all the way back to Pentium I.

"Yes, I think. In the shower. They told me I was shit. That I wanted my mother dead. But I didn't! What boy wants his mother to die?"

"Cody, we think, and by we I mean the on-call doctor and I, think that you may have had a dissociative episode."

"What is that?"

"A dissociative episode is when one of your other personalities, in your case, the voices, take over your body and you just dissolve into the background."

Cody was completely confused. "How on God's earth does that happen. They are just delusions, aren't they?"

Vicky responded "Well, yes, in most cases. But we think that you suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder secondary to Major Depressive Disorder."

"Dissociative Identity Disorder?"

"We used to call it "Multiple Personality Disorder."

Cody couldn't believe what she was suggesting. He couldn't be legitimately crazy. It was just because of mom, right? He was so confused. He figured it was part Haldol induced, part fatigue induced.

"What time is it, anyway?"

"It's about 8 o'clock. Everybody is just starting to stir. We're leaving you in solitary for your protection until Dr. Hrecznyj can see you. If you need anything, just yell. Your call will be sent to the nurse's station."

With that, Vicky turned the key on the lock control, the door opened once again, and out she went. The light once again turned red, and Cody was alone once more.

Cody was embarrased. The other patients would know that he was the one in solitary. The entrance to the room, as he recalled, was right next to the floor's "day" bathroom. Normally, the door was propped open and unlocked, with a green light on the door. People would obviously noticed that the door was sealed and that the red light on the lock control was lit. How on earth would he be able to face these people after this was over?

As he waited for Dr. H to show up, he contemplated all of the information he had just received. A woman just told him that he was majorly depressed and his voices were turning into personalities that were trying to kill him. He couldn't even grasp it. It was too much for him to handle. He laid on the mattress in the room and rocked himself back and forth, brushing his hair with his fingers to try to calm him down as he cried. He eventually fell asleep crying, however, he was awoken about an hour later by the voice of someone familiar.

"Cody?" Laurie's voice called toward him as she rubbed his back, trying to awaken him.

Cody stirred. "Hmm?" he said very groggily.

"Doctor wants to see you now. He's going to come in here to see you, okay?"

"Um, sure." Cody replied, slowly regaining consciousness.

With that, Laurie unlocked the door once more, and Dr. Hrecznyj walked in the door. She sat back by the door to observe.

"Hello, Cody." Dr. H began.

"Hey, H."

"So, I've heard what happened, and Vicky got all of the answers to my questions. Any changes in your mood now that you would like to share?"

"No." 

"Okay, well, we're going to add Celexa to your medication list. It's an antidepressant that I have had good results with. In addition, we're going to change Seroquel to another atypical antipsychotic known as Geodon. I have had excellent results in the past with this combination, and I expect to this time as well. We are going to fix this, Cody. I promise."

Cody liked how confident Dr. H was. At least now they knew (sort of) what was going on. And maybe these med changes would work. Who knew, though?

Dr. Hrecznyj continued. "We are going to release you from solitary, but you are going to be on elevated suicide watch. Someone will be with you at all times over the next 24 hours to be sure that you don't have another episode. Is that ok?"

Cody figured he had no choice so he agreed. Dr. H shook his hand and then helped him up off of the mattress. They walked out into the unit and Cody prayed that nobody had really noticed any of this. The last thing he needed was more negative attention.


	15. Could It Get Worse? Probably

A/N: Please read and review. I am glad that you guys are liking the story, and I hope the recent twist in chapter 14 piqued your interest. Keep on reading. I'm really glad you do! Also, please feel free to PM me with any questions or suggestions of any type. I'm always open for criticism.

As the door shut behind them, the lock control turned red once more. Dr. H turned the key backwards two clicks, the door beeped loudly, and the light flashed red and green. It stopped at green and Doctor pulled his key out and propped the door back open.

Cody and Doctor disbanded. Cody headed to the dining room where he smelled spaghetti and garlic bread. He remembered that today was cooking class in recreational therapy. He walked through the dining room door and took his usual seat next to Joshua. Joshua and Tosh were arguing about something stupid.

"Hey, Cody, where were you?" Josh asked him.

"Late getting up, I guess."

"Really? We thought you were the one in confinement."

"Oh."

"Well, obviously it was you. I mean, the rest of us are here and solitary was in use, so obviously..." 

Cody became infuriated. "Excuse me? What is it any of your business for anyway?"

Josh realized he overstepped his boundary. "Dude, I was just saying, don't lie! It isn't helping any of us!"

Cody didn't care about his apology. "How about you go FUCK yourself, and don't worry about me. My life isn't your business. I'm fine. I just want out of here so I can get the fuck on with my fucking life. FUCK!" Cody realized he was losing control. He left the room and went over to the nurse's station. He was alternating between his usual submissive attitude and the attitude of the voices. He thought he might be having another episode.

"I need help." he muttered in a pathetic voice.

"What can I do for you?" said Jessica, the psych aide on the unit at the time.

"I can feel it happening. I can feel them taking over." 

"Calm down, Cody. Let me get Peggy." She hollered for the LPN.

She spoke to Peggy in the office. "Peg, Cody is at the station. He says he "feels" them taking over. I don't know if he has anything ordered or not.

Peggy responded. "I'll give him a milligram of Xanax. Doctor ordered it secretly for an emergency. That should calm him."

Peggy logged into the Pyxis using the fingerprint reader and removed a foil pack labeled "Xanax 1 mg." Underneath, it said "Dual Authorization Required. Double check prescription."

After Peggy confirmed all of the information, she gave Cody the pill and had him sit in the TV room. Surprisingly, no one had complained about his outburst. Or so he had thought. A few moments after he sat down, Laurie walked in the room.

"Hey, buddy. Need a friend?" Laurie seemed very sincere in her inquiry.

Cody hadn't let his guard down all the way yet, so he felt it was time. "Yeah, I really could."

"Okay, Cody. Go ahead."

Cody began to spill. "I just can't believe what's happening to me. I mean, I was fine until Mom died, and then this all happens. They think I have multiple freaking personalities. I don't know. I'm just so lost and I don't want to die, but I don't even know what's happening. I can't control myself, hell, I can't even remember what happens whenever the voices take over. Damn the voices! Damn them!"

"Cody, it really will be okay. We're gonna help you. You'll have these outburst. They are called 'breakthrough mood swings.' You're the only one here who is new to medication. These mood swings are what slips past the medicine. They are worse when you start a new medicine, but they will get better in time"

Cody began to cry a little bit. He just tried to let the Xanax calm his nerves. His heart was racing, his chest hurt, and he was in a cold sweat. He continued talking to Laurie.

"And I wonder why my mom did this to me. What did I do to her that she would just leave like this!"

Laurie frowned. "Cody, she didn't leave you on purpose. She just had a head injury. She couldn't help that."

Cody knew he wasn't really mad at his mom, but he just couldn't figure out why he had so much rage built up inside of him.

"Do you want to go back to the dining room?" she asked him.

Cody said "No." He wasn't really all that hungry anyway.

"Alright." Laurie responded. "We're going to have individual therapy, and then group, okay?"

"Yep. Sounds fantastic." Cody used very obvious sarcasm.

Cody curled up on the couch, even though it was technically "against the rules." He just wanted to rest his eyes for a few minutes. The Xanax was making him a little sleepy. He began to doze into a dreamless sleep that he hoped would last for at least a little bit.

About 25 or 30 minutes later, he was awoken by the rambunctious horseplay between Tosh and Joshua in the room. Cody was really getting sick of these people. He wished he could just sleep in peace. He sat up on the couch and went out to the nurse's station.

He saw Stacey in the hallway. She stopped him. "Hey, Cody!"

"Hi, Stacey."

"Ready for counseling?"

"As ready as I'm gonna be."

Stacey chuckled as she led Cody into her office. He sprang for his favorite rocking chair.

"You really like that rocking chair, don't you?"

Cody laughed. "Yeah, the slow motion soothes my mind. I don't really know why."

"That's okay, rock all you want to." She flashed a smile that made Cody feel welcome.

"So, have you regained any memory of what happened last night?"

Cody wished he had, but sadly, he did not.

"Would it make you feel better if you knew?"

"Yes, a lot."

Stacey sighed and began telling him what happened. "Well, Cody, around two o' clock this morning, we heard you having an argument. We went to check up on it, and you were arguing with yourself. You had a sheet in your hand. You had already tied the other end to the ceiling. You began to tie it around your neck, but we gave you Haloperidol before you were able to."

Cody was stricken with a feeling he couldn't even describe. He wanted to know more.

She continued. "We got you down off of the bed, but you became aggressive. We had to restrain you. You kept arguing with yourself. You tried to punch yourself in the stomach, you tried to bite off your fingers, you tried just about anything to hurt yourself."

Cody stepped in. "How could I not remember this?"

"Well, Cody, oftentimes, people having a dissociative episode suffer from amnesia for days, months, even years after the episode. Sometimes, they never recall the memories."

"How can I fix this, Stacey?"

"You can talk to me, just like you are now. And you also need to take your medication like you are told."

"Okay, I think I can handle that."

"Alrighty, then. I'll let you go early since you already had therapy with the crisis counselor this morning. Maybe you could talk during group later?"

"Maybe." With that, Cody left her office and headed back to the TV room where they were showing the movie "Miss Congeniality 2."

After the other patients saw Stacey or Dave (the other counselor), they all gathered in the dining area for group therapy. Dave led off the discussion.

"Alright, everybody, welcome to group. First question, what are everyone's thoughts about today?"

Tosh was the first to speak. "I liked watching the movie today. And, I baked the bread in cooking class."

Dave responded. "That's very good, Tosh! Justin, what about you?"

Justin continued the conversation. "Well, I finished writing my talking points for my family session tomorrow. I really think we're gonna figure it out this time."

"Great! Joshua, what about you?"

"Well, Cody flipped out on me today for calling him out. That kinda ruined my day."

Dave looked upset at Josh. "What did I tell you about singling people out at group!" 

Cody spoke up. "No, Dave, he's right. I shouldn't have flipped. I was in solitary this morning. I tried to kill myself last night. Happy? That was calm, right?" Cody was sickeningly unemotional.

Dave replied to Cody. "Cody, everyone has something they aren't proud of. Are you ashamed that you have tried to commit suicide?" 

"Well, yeah. I mean, this isn't normal behavior for someone my age. I think it's absolutely ridiculous. I just want to be normal. Is that so much to ask?"

"No, no it isn't, Cody. I'm very proud of you for speaking out today."

Cody faded back into the background for the remainder of the session.

After group, it was time for supper. Tonight, they were having pizza, and Cody was actually excited to eat for the first time in a while. They all sat around the table and enjoyed the food, no fighting involved.

Josh spoke up during the meal. "I'm sorry for calling you out. I didn't mean it. Can we be friends?"

Cody was actually happy that everyone didn't hate him. "Sure, we can." He hoped that the episodes were gone for good, because he actually was beginning to feel like himself again. But could the medication have helped him that fast? Cody wasn't so sure.

After supper, Cody put a puzzle together in the rec room for a couple of hours. After he finished, he went over to the nurse's station for final med pass. He got 3 pills: a BuSpar, a Geodon, and his first Celexa. He hoped this would work.

He went back to his room and relaxed, slowly letting the sedation of the Geodon take over his conscious body. As he laid there, he mumbled a little prayer.

"Dear Lord, please don't let me take my own life. I want to see Mom, but not that bad. No matter what I ask you for in the future, I love living. Please don't let me do it. And thanks for taking good care of my mom. Amen."


	16. A Promise

A/N: I am a terrible person, haha. I have just been so busy with my senior year of high school that I just haven't had the time to publish a new chapter. But, after a month and a couple days of waiting, here is Chapter 16. Hope you enjoy it. I NEED YOU TO READ AND REVIEW, so that I can figure out if I'm back on a good swing with this story.

Cody drifted into another deep sleep. The Geodon had once again put him into a state of calm sedation that helped him dream. As he dreamed, he processed the things that had happened the past day. He started the day drugged out of his mind after a suicide attempt, then became completely apathetic, and then made up with that asshole Josh who thought Cody's life was his business. All of his actions seemed so forced today. He just didn't feel the flow in it all. Why on earth was he cycling so quickly? He wished he knew. But, as the Geodon plunged him back into an unconscious state, he forgot about his mumbling and moved on.

The morning came about 9 hours later. He woke up to Jessica and a new RN, whose nametag read "Debbie."

"Good morning, Cody!" Debbie said with a huge smile on her face. "How are you feeling this morning?"

Cody took a mental inventory before answering the question. He felt...different. He felt somewhat better. He liked the feeling. "I feel fine, actually."

"Great!" Debbie said. "I have great news for you!" Everything she said required an exclamation point at the end. She was so very chipper.

"What's that?" he asked her, wondering if maybe today he would get to leave this place.

"Your father called. He and your brother are coming in to visit tonight!"

Cody felt a pit in the bottom of his stomach. He had almost forgotten about his family. The last he remembered about Zack and his father was the tearful speech before they got on the elevator, and even that was clouded in a haze of Haldol. Cody didn't know if he could face them again, after all he had done to them.

"Why?" Cody asked her.

"Tonight is your family session. The time when you guys get to talk to each other about what is going on with your life and figure out how we can keep you from ever seeing us again!" she flashed a smile.

"Okay." Cody responded, shakily. He figured it would go semi-alright.

Cody woke up and went to the breakfast area. There weren't any new admissions, just Josh, Justin, Tosh, and Tristan.

"Good morning, Cody!" Josh said to Cody. Tosh and Justin also said generic greetings.

Cody felt unusually happy. "Hey, guys!" he responded in a very excited tone.

Laurie came over to the dining room. It was Wednesday now, he figured. She began talking.

"Morning, guys! Instead of regular class today, we're going to watch an awesome movie on volcanoes, and then make homemade pizza in cooking class. Sound alright?"

The general consensus was "YES!"

"Awesome! Now, finish up, and go take your showers. We'll all meet in the TV room in about a half an hour." And with that, Laurie finished her speech and went over to the nurse's station.

Cody finished his apple and milk and then went back to room 225A which was his temporary home. He went into the bathroom and cranked the shower all the way up. As he did, however, he realized that he forgot to grab his hygiene basket. As he shouted an obscenity in his head, he walked back out to the nurse's station. He searched for Debbie.

"Debbie?" he called to the station.

She came out of the back office and greeted Cody. "Yes, honey?"

"Can I get my basket?" he asked her.

She grabbed the white plastic wire basket from the bookshelf behind her. "Here ya go, Sweetie!"

Cody grabbed the basket and thanked her. He went back to his room.

Cody stepped back into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He began to strip off the scrub suit and then his socks and then finally his briefs. As he did, he realized he forgot to grab scrubs as well.

"Shit!" he screamed out loud. He grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his naked body. He checked in his closet and found a pair of scrubs with a note. Cody took the note and read it.

_Cody,_

_Figured you would probably forget a scrub suit again..._

_Put these here just in case._

_Have a good day, buddy!_

_-Jenn_

God love her, Cody thought. He worried that the voices would return. His mom used to leave him similar notes sometimes, usually in the lunches she packed for him. He brushed it off however, which was a little strange. He hadn't felt this good in god only knows how long.

He removed the towel once more and felt the water in the shower. It still wasn't very hot. He tried to occupy the waiting time. He used the facilities, he brushed his teeth, and scrubbed his face. Finally, about two or three minutes later, the water was at an acceptable temperature. He stepped into the shower and used the hospital-issued shampoo and conditioner to scrub away the dirt and sweat in his hair. He took the body wash and squeezed it into his rag. He rubbed it together to make a nice lather and wiped himself down in it. As he rinsed himself off, he shut off the water, and stepped out onto the cold tile which he had covered with a second towel. He dried his body with the first towel, and proceeded to dress himself in the scrub set that Jennifer had left in the cupboard for him. He took the comb and gave his hair a quick once over and then went out to the TV room. Only Justin was in the room, sitting on the couch watching MTV.

"Hey, Cody!" Justin shouted to him.

"Hello." Cody responded.

"So how you been feeling, bud?" Justin asked in a sincere way.

Cody had, at this point, realized that he hadn't had the opportunity to connect with anyone his age. He seized the moment and responded to his inquiry.

"I'm not really sure. I feel, different. Like, way happy today."

Justin replied. "Oh, well, be sure to tell doctor."

Cody was stumped. "Why? Can't I be happy?"

"Well, you might be going manic on us, haha."

"Manic?"

"Yeah, whenever you are dangerously happy. It happens a lot when you start a new anti-depressant."

Cody recalled that he had started an anti-depressant, Celexa, but doctor said that it wouldn't have much effect until about 2 weeks. So, if that wasn't it, what was it?

Cody continued the conversation. "Well, I just started one of those. It couldn't be doing anything yet, could it?" 

Justin laughed. "Cody, I'm not a psychiatrist. I've only seen enough of them to know a little bit. You really need to talk to H about it."

"Alright." Cody gained some confidence to ask his next question. "What brings you here?"

Justin responded, without any hesitation. "I'm having family problems. I've been violent with my mother and father, and they think my bipolar condition is destabilizing. But, it's nothing new. I've been in and out of psych wards for years. Pretty soon, I won't be in adolescent units anymore."

Cody was dumbfounded. "Have you ever...you know...tried to..." he motioned a knife across his neck to indicate suicide.

"Oh my god, yeah. I have an attempt record to impress the best of them. I've tried 6 times, almost succeeded the 6th time, but I haven't tried for about three years."

Cody began to see his situation in a new light. Sure, he has attempted suicide twice, but at least it's only just started. This kid has been dealing with it since he was only a single-digit age. It gave Cody a small amount of hope. Unfortunately, it was at Justin's expense. But at least it was hope.

Justin continued. "Dude, don't end up like me. Please. I know you don't know me and I don't know you, but it isn't worth it. Don't off yourself, man. It's gonna get better, I promise you. It always does."

Cody didn't know how to respond. "Thanks" was all he was able to muster up.

Justin repeated himself, partially. "Dude, promise me!"

Cody replied. "I promise."

As he finished his words, Justin gave him a pat on the back, and then got up to use the restroom. Cody felt a soft tear drip down the side of his face. He hadn't ever been so touched in his life. He had no reason to uphold his promise. Justin was just a kid. A 17 year old kid whom he hadn't known before this incident. But he wanted to try. He wanted to try.


	17. It's A Family Thing

A/N: Again, I'm terrible. I'm just super busy. I promise I'm going to try to keep up with this story a little better than I have been. Please enjoy and after reading, please leave a short review. I'd really appreciate it.

After talking with Justin, Cody went back to reality as the other patients made their way into the room. Laurie had started the film on volcanoes. The subject never really interested him too much. It was cool and all, but his real area of interest was medical science. He loved to learn about any new medicines or procedures. However, he managed to pay minimal attention to the video. The clock said that it would be about thirty minutes until his father and brother arrived. He sat on the couch and stared out the window at the Pennsylvania snowfall. It was so beautiful and pristine. He had never really stopped to appreciate it.

Cody's daze was interrupted by the sound of a tone at the nurse's station. He looked out and saw that the door control panel was blinking on door one. The nurse pressed the button after checking the camera. The overhead speaker began to talk:

"ATTENTION: AUTHORIZED ENTRY AT DOOR ONE. PLEASE STAND CLEAR."

With that, the door opened up and standing there were two faces that Cody had missed so much. In that doorway were the two biggest pieces of his life, his father and his brother. He waited as Debbie wanded and signed them in, and then with every ounce of energy he could muster, he ran for them.

"DAD, ZACK!" Cody screamed with excitement.

"Hey, Codes!" Zack replied.

"Hey, buddy, how you doing?" Kurt asked his son.

Cody wasn't about to lie. "Well, I've had issues, but I feel really good today! I'm hoping it lasts."

"Well, us too!" Kurt replied, an expression of sweet joy on his face.

Their conversation was cut short when Stacey showed up.

"Why, hello there, Martin family!" Stacey said in her usual excited tone.

"Hello. I'm Kurt and this is my other son, Zack."

"Are you folks ready for your family session?"

The boys looked at each other and took a deep breath. "Yes." Cody replied.

Stacey led the family into the therapy room that had Cody's favorite rocking chair. He sprang for it. The other Martins had a seat on the loveseat directly across from Stacey's desk. There was an obvious tension in the room. Cody was obviously going to have to address the fact that he had tried to commit suicide twice now, even though he was sure that the others already knew what had happened a few nights prior.

"Alright, Cody, let's start with you. How do you feel you have progressed since you have arrived here at DRMC?"

Cody began to speak. "I think I'm doing what I should be. I mean, I go to therapy, group, and I even deal with quiet time. And, surprisingly enough, I think it is working. Today, I feel better than I have in weeks. I feel like I have come to terms with my mother's death, and everything is just kind of coming together. I just feel…oh my god."

Stacey helped him along. "Feel what, Cody?"

Cody responded as if he had just had a huge epiphany. "Normal."

Stacey continued. "Well, that's good. You have to keep up with it, however. Keep doing what you're doing. You are going to get through this." She turned and looked at Kurt. "Kurt, how do you feel your son is doing?"

Kurt started. "He seems to be doing great. But, Cody, just a day or two ago, they had to put you out because you tried to hang yourself. Why did you want to do that?"

Stacey seemed disapproving at the new conversation. She obviously didn't want to go that deep.

Cody answered the question, however. "I don't know. It just happened. I don't even remember it. It was such a blur."

Stacey offered some insight. "Doctor thinks it may have been a medication-induced breakthrough mood swing. It could have caused a suicide attempt and the amnesia. But we really can't know for certain."

Kurt continued. "Cody, we love you." He began to cry ever so lightly. "I love you, your brother loves you, and your mother, she loves you too, even from heaven. So, please, we don't want to see you gone." His tears began to increase. "Please don't ever kill yourself. We can get you whatever help you need, just please don't hurt yourself."

Zack interjected. "Yeah, Codes, we just want you to come home soon. I miss playing games with you and stuff. Who else can I beat at any game on the Playstation?" They both chuckled through tears.

Stacey went back to Cody. "Cody, how does it make you feel knowing that your family feels this way about you and your well-being?"

Cody gave an answer through sobs. "I won't. I won't kill myself. I don't even want to. I'm going to keep getting help and I will be normal again."

Stacey interrupted. "Normal? What is normal to you, Cody?"

"Well, you know, normal, like not crazy…"

"You are not crazy, Cody. No one here thinks that, not even a little bit!"

Cody shrugged and agreed that he wasn't crazy. He just wanted to be back to old, happy Cody, that was all.

"Any other remarks from anyone?" Stacey asked.

The room stayed silent minus the sound of blowing noses.

"Alright, this session is over then. Good session guys! I'll let Doctor know that you guys are done." Stacey walked out of the room.

As Stacey walked out, Cody knew that his brother and father were going to have to leave because it wasn't visitation time and he had to go to recreational therapy. He walked them to the door and gave each of them a kiss on the cheek and then watched as Debbie made the red light turn green and his family walked out the door.

"You ok, Cody?" Debbie asked him.

"Yeah. I'm going to be just fine."

"OK, then, let head over to the rec kitchen."

Debbie once again turned the key and opened the magnetic lock. The two walked over the rec kitchen where the other patients were currently making pizza. But, as he went to enter, he saw Doctor standing in the hallway, waving at him to stop.

"Are you ready for our meeting?" H asked Cody.

"OK." Cody replied, and went back through the secure door that kept him locked in this prison of sorts. He followed Doctor down the hall on the left to his office. He went into the office and had a seat on the comfy chair. As he waited for Doctor to start the meeting, he hoped that he would be discharged soon.


	18. An Unexpected Visitor

A/N: I'm not waiting a month plus this time :P. I hope that you guys liked the last chapter and this one that follows it. I am not getting enough reviews though to help me gauge my new chapters. I keep getting ones from the usual tiger002, Ellivia22, and owlhero. Thanks for that, guys! Hope everyone continues to enjoy the story!

After a momentary pause, Dr. Hrecznyj began to talk.

"How are you feeling today, Cody?"

Cody took another mental inventory. "Good, better. I'm glad that I saw my family today. I feel better than I have in weeks."

Doctor looked pleased. "Great. Any suicidal thoughts?"

"No."

"Homicidal thoughts?"

"Negative."

"Are you having any hallucinations, delusions, anything like that?"

"Not at all. I'm feeling peachy keen today."

Doctor put back on his serious face. "Do you feel overly happy? Like, on a scale of 1-10, would you put yourself at an 8 or 9, or are you all the way up at, say, 14?"

"I think that I'm around a 10, not much higher."

Doctor wrote some notes on his paper. "Are you feeling overly motivated or confident?"

"Not really, I just want to go home. I am really feeling much better." Cody gave a pouting face, hoping to sway Doctor into letting him leave soon. 

"Well, Cody, this recovery seems rather miraculous. Let's see, what medications are you on?" He glanced at Cody's chart. "Celexa 20, Geodon 80. Let's remove the Celexa. I think it may be putting you on the opposite end of the spectrum, which isn't any better. I want you to stay on the Geodon 80, but we're going to discontinue Celexa and add an anticonvulsant, Lamictal. Lamictal works by adding stability to your moods. It'll keep you in the middle of the two extremes. It requires you to titrate. Do you know what that means?"

Cody was absorbing all of the information. It was becoming a game of Tetris or something. "No, I have no idea what that means."

"Titration means you'll start at 25 milligrams for two weeks, then 50 for two weeks, then 100 for a week, then we can get you on your maintenance dose of 200 milligrams. It helps us gauge whether or not you will develop Steven-Johnson syndrome, which is a painful skin rash caused by this medication. It's rare, but it happens, so let a nurse know if you notice anything. Okay?"

Cody agreed. He had one more question for Doctor, however. "Doctor, when can I go home?"

"If all goes well, we'll have you out of here in about two days, three tops." He chuckled a little.

"Thanks, Doctor. Can I go, then?"

"Sure, bud. Have Deb send Tosh over."

"Okay."

Cody left the doctor's office and waited for Deb to open the magnetically-locked door to let him over into the kitchen where the other kids were making pizza. As he watched the old familiar light change from red to green, he hoped that Doctor would keep his promise.

Cody kept to himself during cooking class. It wasn't that he didn't want to participate, he was just a little hung over from the Geodon from the previous night. He hoped that this fatigue would pass after a week or so. He didn't think he could handle school being this tired. He thought about what he and his family had talked about during their session today. He hoped they were sincere in their words. Cody always felt that some people just went through the motions to keep peace. He wanted his family to be open and honest about the situation at hand.

After cooking was over and he enjoyed some of the best pizza he had had in a long time, Cody went back to his room for quiet time. It didn't bother him nearly as much anymore. He enjoyed the opportunity to reflect on the day. The voices had actually quieted since he started Geodon. Then again, it was an antipsychotic. That's what it should be doing.

Cody went back out to the nurse's station for his hygiene basket. He was surprised to see that Debbie had left. He remembered that she had mentioned her parent's 50th wedding anniversary was today, and they were all going out to eat. Jennifer had taken her place. Cody went up to talk to her.

"Hey."

"Hey, buddy! Whatcha need?"

"Can I get my hygiene basket please?"

Jennifer smiled. "And what else, Mr. Forgetful?"

Cody chuckled. "And a pair of medium scrubs."

"That a boy!" she replied as she went to the linen closet to grab the scrubs he requested.

After she returned, Cody took the items and went back to the shower that took half a century to warm up. He sat on his bed and waited for the water to warm. As he did, he thought about Jennifer. He had really grown fond of her. He wondered how his mother would feel if she knew he had grown close to another maternal figure. He thought she'd be okay with that, but his stomach was rumbling from worry over the subject. He hoped he wouldn't be disappointing her.

After Cody showered and changed, he still had a few minutes of quiet time left. He decided to seize the moment and take a nap to hopefully counteract the fatigue that was bothering him so greatly. As he drifted off to sleep, he began to dream.

"_I love you boys. You are my world." _Cody was watching the scene at the first Christmas he could recall. He saw all the toys lying unwrapped, boxes strewn about, just waiting to be played with by two little youngsters, both the same age and appearance. He smiled at the sight. But, just then, the scene greyed out. His internal camera only saw his mother, who had approached the camera to give her son a message.

"_Cody, I love you. You know that, right?"_

He replied. _"Yes, Mommy. Are you okay?"_

"_Of course, baby. I'm doing wonderfully. I'm with the lord. But, I wish you could know that it is okay to move on a little. I can't come back and I'm not. You need to open your heart to your brother and father. They are going to keep you going."_

Cody teared up, but this time they were joyful tears._ "I love you, Mom. I'll see you sometime. I can't wait. But until then, I'm going to move forward. You are always going to be my mother. But I'm going to move forward. Goodbye, Mom._

Cody was jarred from his dream by the sound of Jennifer calling for the end of quiet time. He couldn't believe what had just happened. He just subconsciously met with his mother. Was it real? Or was it just a dream? He wasn't sure. It felt so real. The relief he felt was so real. He figured that this was just another sign that he was going to be better very soon. He could just feel it.

Cody went out for dinner and then went to group. Tonight's group was led by Stacey.

"Okay, everyone, how were our days?"

The other patients gave the usual generic comments. Cody followed suit, but his day was definitely better than just "Good." He decided to come out of his shell and bring it up. He raised his hand, waiting to be granted entrance to the floor.

"Go ahead, Cody." Stacey responded to his hand gesture.

"Well, today has just been spectacular for me. I am so happy I need to be two people." He giggled at his own dry humor. "But, today at quiet time, I saw my mom in my dreams. I made some sort of subconscious peace with her. I don't quite understand how it works or happens, but it did. I actually feel a lot better, even if it were just a dream. It felt like more than a dream. It felt... real."

Stacey put on her "thinking face". The one she used while contemplating a response. "Well, Cody, if it helped you cope with your mother's death, then don't argue with it. You deserve to move on and be happy once again. That's what she would have wanted for you."

Justin chimed in. "Hey, you know, if you are chill with moving on, and you think its time, then go for it, man. I think you are something special, and I don't want to see you like me. You do what you feel is right. Keep yourself out of this place. Make your peace."

Cody took in the comments from the others. He felt that it was okay that this had happened. He wanted to be okay once again.

"Thanks, everyone." Cody was truly thankful for their input.

Soon after, group had ended and Cody went to the TV room for the last hour of his day. After watching House, M.D., it was nine and Cody headed to bed for the night. He stopped for final med pass and then went into his little room 225A to hit the hay. As he crawled under the covers, he said a prayer.

"_Dear Lord, thank you. I know that my mother is with you and I know she loves me. I know you love me, Lord. Keep me sane, at least until two days past. I want out of here more than people 'downstairs' want ice water. Amen."_

As Cody chuckled at his prayer, he shut his eyes and drifted into the most peaceful sleep. He hoped his mother would visit him again tonight.


	19. Life Gets A Little Sweeter Every Day

A/N: Happy Thanksgiving! This is a new chapter as an early Christmas present. I'm on break from school, so hopefully I'll get a few more chapters up as well. If you haven't reviewed yet, please do so. I'd really appreciate it :)

Sleep is a good thing. Cody thought this for the first time since his mother died. He enjoyed his completely restful sleep. It was something truly amazing.

These thoughts came as Peg woke him up for morning vitals. He went through the usual routine, temperature, pulse, blood pressure, et cetera. After she finished, Cody went back to sleep. He couldn't pass up the extra time. The Geodon made him so very tired, but it brought him such relief.

About forty-five minutes later, Laurie came down the hall and woke everyone back up. Cody went to the restroom and then went to the kitchenette, where he sat down and grabbed pancakes. He felt like eating something more than an apple or cereal this morning. He felt absolutely wonderful today. Not nearly as high as yesterday, but he felt at peace with the world. He knew his mother still loved him, and that meant the world to him. He still hadn't figured out whether the meeting was real or only a dream, but it didn't matter. He made his peace. He could now recover. He figured this was similar to how a computer works. It was completely unresponsive, so it shut down. But, after debugging itself, it could now reboot and work at full function once more. That was Cody's goal. Full function.

After breakfast, Cody went over to the classroom. His school had faxed a lot of work that he had missed, as well as some notes and links for the lessons on the virtual classroom. He was completely caught up in Biology 2, but Trigonometry wasn't looking nearly as hot. He figured he would do half today and half tomorrow, which meant he would have 3 worksheets and lessons to work through today. He figured he'd probably have to work on some of it during quiet time, but he was willing. He was rebooting and feeling fine.

He trudged through an entire lesson and worksheet before Doctor called for him to go over to his office.

"Good morning, Cody!" Dr. Hrecznyj said with an unusually happy smile on his face.

"Morning, Doc." Cody replied, not nearly as excited, but still happy.

"So how are you today?"

Cody responded. "Truly, absolutely amazing. I'm feeling more and more like myself every minute. It's amazing."

Doctor responded. "It really is. Any suicidal thoughts?"

"No."

"Homicidal thoughts?"

"No."

"Hallucinations?"

"Negative."

He seemed impressed. "Wow, Cody. It's rare to see a patient upturn so quickly without side effects. Don't take offense to this, but are you lying to me?"

Cody chuckled. "No! I'm really feeling great."

"Scale it. 1 to 10, 1 being depressed to the point of no return and 10 being outrageously happy to the point that running water makes you giddy."

"About a 7. Running water isn't that exciting yet."

Doctor smiled. "Let's hope it never is! Well, that is fantastic. I think we should be able to stick with our plan of two days, which means you'll be out of here soon. I just want to keep a close eye on you. You are really beating the odds here. I only hope your condition continues to improve. We'll keep meds the same, and keep doing what you're doing."

Cody was satisfied. "Got it."

"Alright, have Peg send someone over, I don't care who."

Cody laughed. "Alrighty, then!"

Cody walked back over to the classroom. He sat back down and tried to start the lesson on Angular and Linear velocities, but he was too happy. All he wanted to do was stare at the Pennsylvania snow, watching it fall peacefully. He couldn't wait to ride a sled with his brother. He couldn't believe how great he felt.

Soon after, the class time ended and Cody went over to the dining room for lunch. Today, they were having lunch meat sandwiches. Cody made his sandwich and ate in quiet excitement. They were going to leave the ward today to go bowling at the local bowling alley, now that everyone was off suicide watch. Cody had almost forgotten about suicide watch. He was enjoying his scrubs, and really didn't want to take them off. But, to go out, he had to get dressed in street clothes. "What fun!" He thought, sarcastically.

After everyone finished cleaning their plates, they all did their clean up duties and then prepared to go out to the van. Cody went back to his room and changed, realizing he never took the time to get a shower this morning. He hoped no one would notice.

He went back to the doors labeled with an A. These were the heavy pieces of metal separating Cody from freedom. After roll was taken, the recreation therapist, Ryan, opened the door with the magical lanyard key. The light turned from red to green, as usual, and they proceeded outside. Cody looked behind him and recalled the sign that haunted him the first day he was here:

ADOLESCENT BEHAVIORAL HEALTH UNIT

DOOR A

NO VISITORS ADMITTED AT THIS ENTRANCE

PLEASE USE DOOR C

He remember this sign well. He put the anxiety of it out of his head and stepped onto the elevator. It took them down to the ground level, where they left the building through exit A. They all gathered into an old Ford Econoline van, which wasn't started. It was 28 degrees outside. Cody was pretty disappointed. Not only was it cold outside, but it was even colder inside of the van. He laughed a little at the irony in it all.

After a few minutes of scraping and warming up, Ryan put the van into reverse as they backed out of the parking space. They traveled down a road which Cody didn't remember. He was in the back of an ambulance, drugged out of his mind whenever they were here last. After about five minutes, they pulled into an old run-down bowling alley. Cody wondered if everything in Dubois was this decrepit. So far, the hospital and the bowling alley were. Cody laughed as he undid his seat belt and exited the vehicle. Justin and Tosh got out behind him. The two younger boys, Tosh and Josh, were horsing around in the parking lot. Laurie put a stop to that pretty rapidly.

Ryan went in and ordered one round of bowling plus shoes, balls, et cetera. They all played, having a great time. Laurie was in last place, Cody was second to last, and Tristan, the 6 year old, beat them both. Laurie and Cody laughed ridiculously at the scores. They both knew bowling wasn't their calling.

After the game, Cody and the others went back to the ward, where they were re-secured on the inside of the ward. After being wanded, everybody went into the TV room to finish out the day. Group was canceled because Stacie wasn't able to make it to work on account of the terrible weather. Cody went to the dinette to finish up the other two lessons he didn't finish earlier. After about an hour and a half, he finally almost comprehended angular and linear velocities. He really wished that the things he learned would apply to his life, but he knew that wasn't happening. It was about six when he finished, which was perfect timing, since everyone filtered into the dining room at that time to have dinner.

They all ate some baked ziti and tossed salad. After dinner, Cody went back to his room to get the shower he never got that morning. He let the warm water release all of the tension he was carrying, and he continued to relax even further. The fact that this was happening truly amazed him.

After his shower, he went back out to the TV room and watched some Disney movie that Tristan put in. He was really disinterested, so he took his night meds and went back to his room for the night.

Cody laid in bed and thought about the day. It was perfect. He hadn't felt "bad" once. He finally got what he wanted. Acceptance of his mother's death, and normalcy. He could rest soundly once again.

With that, he drifted into a deep sleep, and began to dream.


	20. Will He Ever Win? Hopefully

A/N: Here goes nothing. If it sucks, I'm sorry. Haha. I'm gonna try to get back into this, more than a year after I started. If there are inaccuracies, please let me know via PM or review and I shall edit and reupload.

Cody had a relatively uneventful evening. He awoke in a daze, probably due to the medication. He was used to it, but wasn't sure how "functional" he would be in real life.

That brought Cody to a good point. How was he going to function again in real life? Sure, Cody was stabilized for the most part here in the ward, but outside was so much different. There were real people that he really knew, real questions about where he'd been, real conflict again. It would be…real again. Cody hadn't thought about this.

Suddenly, Cody began to feel very strangely. His pulse began to race, sweat dripped off of his entire body. He started feeling shaky, but wasn't sure if it was real or just paranoia. He tried to take a deep breath in, but he couldn't get the air quick enough. It was as if someone had just picked up the bed and placed it on top of him. He sat up on the edge of the bed, trying to gasp for air. This was something he hadn't really experienced before. He began to feel dizzy, lightheaded, out in space. He didn't know what to do. He screamed as loud as he could.

"HELP! I…can't…breathe…" he paused between each word, unable to adequately supply his body with enough air for more sound.

Immediately, he heard the rustling of staff rushing to the room. One was pushing the crash cart. Could he really be dying? This made Cody more panicky, more afraid. He started blacking out. In and out of consciousness, he started hearing the code alarm go off, and saw the blue strobe flashing in the hallway. It was all happening in such slowed down time. Then, he heard the nurse tell him he would become very sleepy, and poof! He went out like a light.

Cody had experienced this once before, back at the ER in Pittsburgh, where he flipped out with scissors. But this time was different. He was able to experience the feeling, enjoy the high. He was asleep, but everything felt so real. He could feel the drug coursing through his veins. Cody was never one for the drug scene. Hell, he hadn't even touched a cigarette! But this felt kind of nice.

Shortly after the injection, Cody, still unconscious, tried to remember what had happened. He remembered thinking about life post-DRMC, and then it had happened. He wanted this to just be over. He was so sick of feeling normal and great and then, boom, right back to square one.

Cody didn't know what time it was when he awoke. He woke up in his room, head pounding. He tried standing up, and after about 10 minutes worth of effort, he was successful. He went out to the nurse's station, taking extreme care with each step. He felt like he was swimming through the air. He walked up to Jennifer's desk.

"Um, hi. I'm awake."

Jennifer smiled. "Great. How do you feel? Do you need to lie back down?"

Cody replied very slowly, and with obviously slurred speech. "No, no, I'm fine. My head is throbbing. Is that normal after being shot?"

Jennifer laughed. "Well, let's be clear, you were given a shot, not shot. Second, yes, that's normal. I'll pull some Tylenol out of the Medstation for you."

Cody thanked her, but turned around when he heard a familiar voice. It was H.

"Hello, Cody. Mind stepping into my office after you get your Tylenol?"

Cody agreed. After a short battle with his wristband which the barcode was obviously fading off of, Jennifer dispensed the Tylenol and Cody took it with a Dixie cup of lukewarm water. He turned around very slowly, trying to avoid vertigo, and walked to H's office.

Doctor started the conversation. "So, Cody, do you remember anything from what happened this morning?"

Cody struggled to pull the information from his databanks. He told Dr. H what little he remembered about the situation.

He continued. "Cody, what happened to you today was what is commonly referred to as a panic attack. You were given Ativan IM to combat it, which obviously worked pretty well. You were shot at about 7:30, and it's 11:45 now. Why are you worrying so much about what is going to happen when you leave here?"

Cody tried to think. "I don't know, I just feel like everything was going to well, you know? Like, this place is easy. There is a structured schedule, there is a staff of well-trained mental health professionals, and absolutely no opportunities for hardship. Everything is peachy keen here, minus the whole psych ward thing."

H replied. "Well, yes, this is easier, but Cody, you can handle anything life throws at you! I have seen many, many patients in my lifetime, and I can tell when people are going to have the drive to manage life on their own, and I see that in you so much! But, truly, it doesn't matter what I see. You have to see it for yourself. Why don't you see yourself like others do?"

"Well, I'm a twin, as I'm sure you know. Zack has always been the socially accepted one, the one with the big ideas, the one who everyone sees 'something different' in. Sure, I'm good at school, and will probably go to college and be just fine, but what if that doesn't happen? What the hell will I do if it falls through? I didn't expect Mom to die; I didn't expect to go crazy. What else am I 'not expecting' that could ruin everything!"

"Well, Cody, we can't go through life always worrying about the what ifs. What if, what if, what if? It doesn't mean anything. They are only tools to make us worry, to make us half insane! Cody, you need not worry that far into the future. You're a bright kid, and I guarantee you are gonna go far! You have to believe it yourself though!"

Doctor stopped for a little while, did his observational pausing, and then jotted a few note in the medication log, and changed them in the system. He explained his doings.

"Cody, I'm adding Ativan 1 mg 3 times daily to your routine to help keep this from happening again. Let's leave everything else."

Cody nodded, and proceeded out the door to the rec room. But before he could, he heard doctor call his name.

"Cody!"

"Yes?" Cody replied.

"I believe in you. Now you need to believe in yourself."

Cody nodded again, turned around and smiled. He went into the rec room, and sat down on the couch. He still felt extremely groggy after the shot, but he knew he had to work on his self-esteem. He mustered up enough energy to get out the pen and paper and start writing.

At the top of the paper, he wrote. "I'm going to be okay."


End file.
